Then and Now
by Jezabelle3
Summary: Bella finds herself torn between two men as she tries to discover what she wants from life. AH OOC BellaxJasper, BellaxJake Much angst and a few lemons too.
1. Chapter 1

For a long time he was my best friend. He was my first for many things, the keeper of my secrets, my cyber diary and so much more. And then he was gone. Another came that didn't fill his shoes, at least not at first, but who also earned a place in my life. This is their story. It's a long one. The journey to here took a long time, but we made it eventually. Travel with us if you choose.

I met Jasper in High School. We were 14 and had both ended up on the same committee or social activity or some other extracurricular thing. All I remember is that we did very little work and spent a lot of time under the bleachers or in the performing arts centre talking. Talking about anything and everything. Jasper was the boy next door. He was knock 'em dead gorgeous and had a way with the ladies, but to me he was himself. I flatter myself that I saw through the confident exterior to the insecurities and uncertainties that made the real Jasper. Looking back now, I feel like those parts of him are mine too. We left a few scars on each other back in those days.

Jasper was a little older than me, but it might as well have been decades. He was worldly wise and knew how things worked. On the other hand, I was as innocent and naive as they come. Everything seemed fresh, new and exciting through my eyes. If it wasn't for Jasper's guidance I would have made some serious mistakes growing up. I made enough of them with him there, and some because of him... but as they say - you live and you learn.

The winter I turned sixteen things started to change. It was a cold year. An unsettled year. Things were changing in our families, we were starting to think about colleges and leaving the nest to fly away on our own. We had no other ties here and even thought of going somewhere together. Jasper had eyes only for Alice, but so far she didn't want to know him. Uncertain of herself she kept about her business without including him. But Jasper's eyes and his thoughts were never far from her. Jacob and Leah were kind of together. Sort of friendly and flirty with each other and we all knew it would go further eventually when they stopped kidding around. What he saw in her we'll never know, but it worked for them. Emmet and Rosalie were the poster children for the American dream. Blonde and beautiful, intelligent, perfect for each other and most likely of all of us to settle down and be together until the end of days. Edward was a loner. He enjoyed the company of the group but was not afraid to be on his own. Alone but not lonely. He was too smart for his own good and very sure of himself. He would make it big one day. And then there was me - Isabella Swan. Bella to my friends. So far I hadn't met that someone special to pin my hopes on. I was content to date and to experiment with new people, but aside from a few stolen moments and a bit of teenage fumbling, my innocence and naivety remained. I had been on a couple of dates with Mike Newton. I wasn't sure if I wanted it to go further. He seemed more than happy to escort me around after school or to make out in the back of his car but so far circumstances had prevented us from doing much more. A situation for which I was not entirely ungrateful.

One afternoon when Jake and Edward were at practice and Leah, Alice and Rosalie had left for one of their shopping trips, I found myself again in one of prop rooms alone with Jasper, slacking off when we should have been doing god knows what else. We had discovered an old couch and some blankets so far back in the corner that no-one knew we were there. It was cosy if somewhat dusty, but a haven from the world. Our safe place to discuss our friends and our relationships or lack thereof. He sat on one end with his legs stretched in front of him while I lay along the other, leaning against him, tucked under one arm.

"So have you got her to even look at you yet?" I enquired of Alice. She had been looking at him. I could tell. I'd seen her stealing glances over her text books and him pretending he hadn't noticed.

"She's starting to thaw," he said casually. "It's hard for her, she'll come around eventually."

I admired his quiet certainty that one day his wait would be over, admired that he cared enough for Alice to let her have this space, to wait until she was ready. He was a very patient man.

"So what about you and Newton - done the deed yet?" he laughed.

"No!" I cried, instantly displaying the whole spectrum for shades of red on my face. "And I'm not sure I want to," I almost whispered, praying he hadn't heard.

"What's up Scarlet?" he laughed, pointing to my crimson cheeks. "Sensitive subject?"

I don't know why I couldn't control the heat and colour in my face. I had certainly discussed Jasper's sexual exploits with him often enough to not be giggling like a school girl at the mention of the word. I always imagined that when it happened I would be bursting with excitement at my new experience or at least at the thought of planning it. That I would feel some sort of desperate undeniable desire that caused me to rush headlong into making a emotions coursing across my features and his own face turned solemn.

"Scared?" he asked, tightening his arm around me.

"Yes and no," I shrugged. "I just thought I would feel ... more. How can I be ready if I don't feel anything?"

He turned towards me then, shuffling and lifting until I sat across his lap, leaning into his shoulder like a small child seeking comfort. He held me gently but firmly with his head resting on mine. "There must be more to it than that. Do you mean you aren't in love with him or that there's no physical chemistry?"

"Are you kidding me? I can't tell you about this stuff," I said, mortified, burrowing my face into his neck to hide from him.

"C'mon now Scarlet," he drawled, "We've talked about much bigger things than this, it's just me, same as its always been." He moved his hands comfortingly over my shoulders and back as he spoke.

I drew in a deep breath and blurted it all out at once. "I don't love him. Maybe I could with time, but I'm just not that serious about him. He's fun to be with and he's nice to me, but when we're together ... no chemistry. We haven't done much, but I thought there'd be a little spark. I thought once we started fooling around I'd want more, need more. But it's not like that. Mike wants more from me, and he's been patient so far but, I want to really want it you know?"

Jasper was quiet for a moment, digesting my outburst. He kept rubbing my back gently and when I finally began to relax into him he spoke, drawing my face towards his so that I was forced to look him in the eye.

"Now you listen to what I have to say Miss Scarlet," he said with a wink. "I am about to share my wisdom with you, take heed." I giggled softly and tried to snuggle back into his shoulder, but he would have none of it and made me maintain eye contact with him. "You don't have to fall in love with the first semi-serious guy that comes along. It's fine to learn and experiment with someone who is of a mind to do the same thing. You don't have to love someone to fuck them, and no matter how girly it sounds, there's a big difference between fucking and making love. It's up to you to decide which one you want. It's okay to want both. But there needs to be chemistry. Don't do it for the sake of it. It's worth waiting for. Chemistry is important and it's got nothing to do with how much or how little you've done together." At this point he paused for breath and he slowly widened the circles he was rubbing on my back. His hand slipped down, brushing my side and trailing slowly south down my thigh before squeezing gently. My breathing stopped, my words stuck in my throat and my brain froze. I felt like I'd been hit with an electric current jolting through my system, waking places in my body that had slept for a lifetime. When I finally gained enough active brain cells to breathe again, I opened my eyes to meet his. Jasper's other hand traced the outline of my cheek before settling on my chin. His thumb gently brushing my parted lips.

"It only takes one kiss Isabella," he whispered leaning closer. His lips gently brushed against mine, and I saw his gaze turn black before I closed my eyes and gave myself up to the fire burning me alive. He moved his grip around to the back of my head, drawing me closer, kissing me harder until I couldn't help but respond. I pushed my lips back against him letting out a breathy little groan as his tongue swept across my bottom lip and went in search of richer bounty. As soon as it was begun it was done. A small moment in time that seemed to reach on forever.

In the several minutes it took for me to collect my shattered thoughts, Jasper had risen, collected his things and moved towards the door. As he left he looked back over his shoulder wiggling his eyebrows wickedly in my direction. "Chemistry," he smirked, and left me sitting there.

I didn't date Mike again after that.


	2. It is What it Is

_**A/N Hello to all the wonderful people who are reading and following this. Would love a review or two and maybe a few ideas about where the story could be headed. I have a plan in mind, but am open to ideas.**_

_**I have many ideas in my head, but as always, the characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**_

It was a couple of days before I saw Jasper alone again. Our little group was pretty much inseparable these days, so he was there, but there was no chance to speak about what had happened. For my part, I was a total mess. I didn't understand what had passed between us. Jasper had always been, and still seemed to be, head over heels for Alice. He was my closest friend and I had never wanted more from him than that. It never occurred to me that there could be more than that. And then there was the constant clenching of my insides, the tumbling of my stomach and that tingling in my newly awakened nether regions when I replayed the kiss in my mind. It was definitely ... more.

I was waiting in the parking lot for the rest of the group after school. Being the youngest of us, I had yet to get a driver's permit. But with most of the others having both cars and driving skills, I never had trouble getting from place to place. I braced myself against the chilly air, staring into the distance and hoped that someone would show up soon. Someone did, but it was probably the one person I was least equipped to deal with at that moment. Jasper, of course, was walking in my direction. And he'd seen me too making any thought of a quick escape impossible.

"Howdy Miss Scarlet," he said grinning from ear to ear. As if in direct response to the nickname, my face immediately filled with blood, blushing from my hairline to my jaw.

"Jazz," I nodded. "You sponging a ride from Edward too?" I asked, trying to stay calm and act completely cool and collected.

"Yes Ma'am, that I am," he replied, wandering over to lean against Edward's shiny silver Volvo. "You coming with us to the diner or is he dropping you off at home first?"

"No, I'm up for the diner," I replied. I wondered if he would mention that awesome afternoon in the prop room, or kiss me again, or even just acknowledge me in some small way, but at that moment Edward, Emmett and Rosalie arrived and we left for the diner.

It had been a great afternoon, as they always were back then. Great food, great company, Emmett's awful jokes and Edward's witty comebacks. Alice had come in at one point. When she came through the door, she looked over at Jasper, smiling shyly. He smiled back and she waved before scurrying off with her friends, her face a shade of red to rival my own blushes. It was plain to see the joy in Jasper's face at this small progress.

I could have stayed forever, but before I knew it, it was time to head home. The weather was cold, but fine, so I decided to walk the rest of the way from the diner. It would be good to be alone with my thoughts for a while. I was really surprised to hear Jasper's voice asking me to hold up, that he would walk with me.

It was an uncomfortable silence for the first few minutes. I didn't know how to begin and I felt compelled to ask him about the kiss. I had become obsessed by it and what it meant. Were we still friends? Were we more now? Did he still want to be with Alice? Of course he did. What did I have to offer him? And the look on his face when she had smiled and waved, well, I hadn't seen Jasper look that happy in a long time.

"I think you might be making some progress there cowboy," I said by way of an icebreaker.

Jasper just grinned down at me, full of that radiant happiness I'd seen earlier.

"Baby steps Miss Scarlet, baby steps."

I grinned in spite of myself. There was that calm and certain Jasper I had grown to love. So sure that it would all be happy endings. "The good guy always gets the girl," he chortled. Despite my confusion and my inner turmoil, I couldn't help but feel happy about Jasper's small success. It made him happy, and I wanted him to be happy in whatever shape that came in.

"So how's Magic Mike doin'?" Jasper asked, breaking my reverie. I laughed so hard I had to sit down in the middle of the road to get my breath back before we could continue on our walk.

"I love it," I laughed. "Magic Mike! Except, I've come to the conclusion that he is anything but magic." And there it was. I'd admitted it and it was out in the open. It was the beginning of the end and I knew we wouldn't date anymore.

"And what bought you to this extremely intelligent conclusion may I ask?" smirked Jasper.

So here it was. Finally an acknowledgement of that fantastic kiss. Finally a change to have the conversation that had been circling around in my head for the last few days.

"I think you know Jasper," I almost whispered. "Chemistry ... turns out I found some, just not with Mike."

"I thought that may have been it Miss Scarlet." He was quiet for a minute. We had reached Jaspers house. He looked at me, his eyes dark and then said, almost too quietly to hear, "It is what it is and it was what it was Bella. Don't read too much into it."

And then he was gone again and I was again alone to wrestle my thoughts.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Hello readers and followers. This has turned out to be a short chapter. Actually, it turned out to be a really long chapter so I have broken it in two. Needless to say you can expect Ch 4 very soon. I am enjoying writing and posting, but would love a review. Thanks. Read on ...**_

_**p.s. I own nothing, that honor belongs to Stephenie Meyer**_

The next few months were uneventful. We all continued along the paths that we had begun to map out for ourselves. We studied, talked about the future, talked incessantly about each other and spent as much time being all together as we could. We started becoming more independent of our parental units. Emmett and Rosalie's folks were never around much and pretty much left them to their own devices. This meant that either of their houses was usually available for us all to crash in and be together at weekends. Edward seemed to just tell his parents what he would be doing and received little guidance or feedback on the matter. But that was Edward for you. There was just no changing his mind once a decision was made and I'm sure his parents recognised that early on. Jasper's parents were content to take a back seat role to our intimate community. They were there and offered food, support, guidance and whatever we could need from them, without interfering in what had become our way of life.

I had been living with my Dad, Charlie since my Mom, Renee remarried. He was busy with his work and not the best at communicating. As long as he knew where I was and who I was with he was content. And we were a good bunch. We had fun, we did stupid teenage things and we broke the rules. But we never got in any serious trouble and were usually able to keep our antics to ourselves.

Jasper continued to blur the lines that made up our complicated friendship. We still talked about anything and everything. He stilled pined for Alice and watched her every move. He encouraged me to date and experiment with other guys. And just as I would relax into the friendship routine I knew, he would mix it up again and make me crazy.

I remember one day when we had been elected to pick up the pizza for movie night (we were too hungry to wait for the delivery guy). Jasper and I had driven in to town and were talking about my upcoming date with Tyler. I felt confident for a change. Tyler made me feel good about myself and I liked the way the other guys looked at me when we were out together, the way Tyler seemed pleased to have me with him, especially when others noticed. I was starting to think that I wasn't such a wallflower and that perhaps I wasn't limited to the likes of Magic Mike. Jasper and I had been caught in the rain and as we dashed madly from the car to the shelter at the side of the pizza place I felt more relaxed with Jasper than I had in a long time. When we reached the shelter of the alley I was soaked. My shirt clung to my curves, my hair was wet and dripping down my shoulders, I was giggling uncontrollably and my face was flushed from the excitement. When I reached the wall, I turned looking for Jasper, only to find him directly in front of me. Close enough to touch.

I couldn't help it. He was like a magnet drawing me in. I reached up, placing my hands flat against his chest, feeling his nipples harden against my palms through the thin fabric of his t-shirt. I looked up at him, startled at my own boldness, frightened by the sudden and undeniable need that coursed through my veins. Again Jasper's eyes became dark and unreadable as he paused for what seemed like an eternity before leaning in and brushing his lips against mine.

This was no gentle, searching first kiss. This was an inferno barely held in check. In seconds his lips were crashing against mine, as if all the unspoken questions could be asked by applying physical pressure. His tongue darted out, seeking mine, running over my teeth before he nipped gently at my lower lip. My own lips fought back, pushing against him, my own tongue sought out his as if some long sleeping beast had awakened, roaring within me. It became a battle, a war to see which of us could give more and take more in that second stolen moment.

My spinning thoughts were compounded by my lack of oxygen and through sheer necessity I pulled my mouth away from Jasper's, tilting my head to the sky to suck in a lungful of cold night air. Jasper's mouth continued its assault as he trailed his tongue along the line of my jaw, up to my ear where he gently bit down before reversing the journey down my neck to settle at the meeting of my neck and shoulders. As his tongue made small circles against my sensitive skin and his teeth continued to tease, I again felt robbed of oxygen and catapulted into a world ruled by sensory input. When Jasper's knee moved between my thighs and then pushed up against my core, the resulting jolt of electricity nearly blew me away. I instinctively flexed my hips out and down trying to create more of that delicious friction. Every inch of my skin seemed to be covered in bumps, each bump increasing my sensitivity one thousandfold. I felt completely driven by that ache to feel more. An ache that had started in my stomach and slowly moved lower centring over Jasper's knee.

A guttural moan escaped my lips and left me wondering what wild animal had joined us in the alley.

"Jasper," I whispered, my voice hoarse with want.

That one stupid word snapped him out of his mind and bought him back to the reality of the moment. His eyes focussed, taking me in for the first time. He was breathing heavily as was I, but his control was back, his eyes clearing, hiding the devil inside.

He leant in again and kissed me softly.

"Make sure Tyler treats you right Scarlet, I'll meet you back at the car."

And with that he was gone, disappearing in to the building to collect the pizza, leaving me dripping wet inside and out and wondering what on earth had just happened. Again.

And so it continued. There would be days or weeks of our perceived normal relationship interspersed with twisted, heated moments that left me emotionally exhausted and so physically needy that I thought I would implode. It's hard enough to be young and learning to control the hormones, mood swings and strong physical reactions without being constantly left wanting and confused. I think it must have been messing with my head. I wanted to be near Jasper all the time, and yet I frequently felt pissed off at him for his lack of openness and failure to move things forward. We had always talked about everything, in all its gory details, never omitting a truth or dodging the hard questions, and yet we couldn't communicate about this, whatever 'this' was. Fortunately no-one seemed to notice the evolution of our relationship into this new and frustrating thing. It appeared that so far, we'd gotten away with it. And we had. Almost.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Thank you to those lovely people who reviewed the last chapter. Its my first fanfic so my first reviews as well. It was so awesome to think that someone is reading and enjoying this. This chapter is a long one, but the words kept coming. More soon. Keep on reviewing!**_

_**I own nothing!**_

Charlie had inherited a large property from Grandma Swan. Years ago she had divided the family acreage into a self sustaining ranch, complete with dormitories and outbuildings suitable for housing and feeding the volunteer workers or holiday makers that came her way. It was a beautiful spot in the valley. The main house overlooked a tranquil lake, there was room to grow small crops, raise small animals and generally live off the land. It was about two hours away from our hometown and in a relatively secluded area. Of late it had become run down and in need of attention. Charlie no longer employed a caretaker, the animals had found other homes and the crops had long since withered and died, along with any disposition Charlie may have had to keep the place up. He suggested that seeing "you young ones always travel in packs anyway," that we could spend some weekends and holidays up at the ranch in return for a bit of maintenance. Of course we jumped at the chance and it was soon 'our' place. Completely separate from any house belonging to our parents it became the back drop to some wonderful memories.

One holiday weekend we had all packed our gear and headed towards the ranch. It had been a warm day and our appointed task of mending the fences and cutting down the grass in the paddock had been quickly abandoned in favour of swimming in the lake and soaking up the sun. Evening found us sprawled out around the campfire, most of us in various stages of inebriation. Emmett and Rosalie had removed themselves to one of the visitors cabins for some private time and a series of grunts and giggles drifted out to the fireside making the rest of us laugh too. Eventually the boys drifted off to parts unknown and the girls were left together listening to the suggestive noises as they permeated the quiet. Soon enough the talk turned to sex. With the exception of Alice, we had all at least attempted it. This was Alice's first visit to the ranch. She had been joining our group more frequently and was becoming much bolder in her attempts to strike up a relationship with Jasper, even though the rest of us could clearly see he was smitten with her and would do anything she asked. Her face paled at the subject and while she had made it clear that she wasn't ready for that yet, she didn't leave the conversation, staying on to listen and perhaps learn. As for myself, Tyler had become sex obsessed. He was not content with making out for long and was always trying to touch harder, of reach further than the time before. I always seemed to be yearning for that burning flash of desire that Jasper had so rudely lit and then failed to quench, and so I allowed him to go a little further each time until he had inevitably taken my virginity.

Charlie had been away for the weekend fishing with his friend Billy. It was a rare weekend when we hadn't all travelled to the ranch, but stayed around town for some reason I can no longer recall. Tyler was sweet and kind. He kissed me gently, stroked gently between my legs until I was moist and willing and then took what I offered with respect if not love. It was okay, not as painful as I had imagined, but afterwards I was left wet and sticky and wondering what all the fuss was about. It was pleasurable sure, but not this earth shattering experience I had been told about. We got a little better at it with practice and there were times I could sense that something I was looking for, but never seemed to reach.

Finally after hearing the many details of couples intimate relationships I blurted out the question that had been invading my head. "So do you guys always umm, you know ... er finish?" It came out sounding slightly sceptical, like this wasn't a realistic possibility. I still thank goodness for starless nights that hide the surely purple hues of my face.

"God Bella," smirked Jessica, "if it doesn't happen every time, I guess you're not doing it right." Her snide remark inflamed my face further.

"I never seem to have any problems in that department!" she scoffed. Obviously her relationship with Mike Newton offered much more chemistry than mine had.

"Yeah, I usually do," offered Leah in a much less judgemental tone, "especially when Jake uses that tongue of his." My mind was spinning. Too many thoughts at once, like _oh my god they've finally hooked up_ and _his tongue, seriously, are you kidding me?_ Too much information to process.

"I only get there if I'm on top, but Ben will usually finish me off after so it's all good," pipes up Lauren.

"I'm sorry I asked!" I reply horrified. Oh my god! Everyone out here is enjoying a healthy sex life AND they're willing to disclose the details. Why did I open this can of worms? The girls continued their detailed discussion of intimate secrets while Alice took it all in, looking sicker by the minute. "Jasper's not going to be in to anything like that is he?" she asked me quietly. It was easy to see the fear and distaste in her eyes. I took her hand, trying to calm her. "Alice, I can honestly tell you that Jasper will never hurt you. He won't ever do anything that you don't want to and he will never force you into anything you wouldn't do willingly." She looked a little relieved, but unconvinced.

"There's more to love than sex ladies," called out Edward as he walked towards the lake with Emmett, who was sporting a grin like the Cheshire cat. Trust him to be so down to earth and sensible. As the conversation continued around me, I drifted off into my own thoughts. The sex thing seemed so easy and comfortable for all of them. It wasn't some searching quest towards an unobtainable goal. They all seemed to have chemistry. So it must have been me right? First Mike, who obviously bought such pleasure to Jessica, and now Tyler. I mean it was fun and all but it wasn't like the acts these girls were describing to each other.

My mind turned more and more inwards as I weighed this discovery. Everyone else had great sex. I had okay sex. My limited experiences had been good, well at least I thought they had been good up until now. What was I doing wrong? Was there something wrong with me that my experience wasn't like everyone else? I was so consumed with this question that I didn't hear Rosalie's approach or notice when she sat next to me. "It can take a while to get it right you know," she said quietly, drawing me from my thoughts. I looked up at her, startled by her sudden appearance and with the motherly advice. She was a good friend, but not exactly known for being close to the other girls, or for her nurturing nature. It was there though. Rosalie was like a mother bear - mess with one of her cubs and feel her claws. "I said, that it can take a while to get it right," she repeated. "It's not an automatic thing. I have great sex with Emmett, but it took some practice. You've got to learn from each other, communicate with each other about what works for you. You're not _doing it wrong_," she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

She patted my knee and left me to mull over her words. I had had enough of the conversation and decided I would wander off myself. After closing up the gate for the night I found myself alone in the barn, full of the ghostly smell of animals that once called it home. I wandered aimlessly into one of the horse stalls exploring what was left of the old leathery horse gear. When I turned to leave, I was no longer alone in the stall. It seemed Jasper had found me again.

"What do you want," I said, exasperated, knowing full well why he had sought me out. He laughed gently by way of response. He was getting closer to me by the second. Too close for comfort. I couldn't be relied upon to make good decisions when Jasper was around. Before I could blink he had me pinned against the side of the stall, one cowboy shirted arm pushing against the wood above my head, the other settling on my hip. He ducked in quickly, stealing a kiss and along with it any resolve I had to send him away. He nuzzled my cheek with the tip of his nose, eventually dragging his tongue to my ear lobe, tasting and nibbling it and damn it, there was that slow burn again. "Mmm Jasper ...," I whispered. "We can't keep doing this." Brave words. I wanted nothing more than to keep doing this.

He chuckled gently into my ear and nipped a pathway down to my neck, my head thrown back to grant him easy access. "I don't see you trying to stop me Miss Scarlet." And it was true. No matter how wrong it was, no matter that I was dating Tyler, I was absolutely powerless to stop Jasper from the minute he touched me. As his kisses became more heated and persistent, I felt his hand move up underneath my cotton shirt. At first he cupped my breast tenderly, allowing me to get used to the sensation. _What was I talking about, I am used to the sensation - Tyler's touched me there before._ And then it was more. He stroked his thumb over my nipple, it hardened instantly. Jaspers fingers found it and began to tweak and tease. It was incredible. _Oh my god, Tyler's never touched me like that. _ My brain was in instant overdrive. My chest seemed to push forward of its own accord seeking more. There was a flood of wetness between my legs and my only coherent thought was _oh god don't stop._ But he did stop, just long enough to push up my shirt and bra before attaching his lips to that aching stalk of flesh. At first he suckled gently, suckling it before tracing patterns with his tongue, slowly becoming rougher as my sensitivity rose and my need increased. My breath escaped in a series of small sighs and I found myself lightheaded and craving oxygen. Why didn't it feel like this all the time? Slowly Jasper's hands crept downwards, along my chest, under my breasts. His tongue continued its silent worship, while his hands slipped beneath the waistband of my shorts, cupping my ass. Pulling me closer to him. He was hard. I could feel him pressing against me. _That can't all be Jasper surely, he must have something in his pocket. _Before I could contemplate this further, or explore for myself, his hands brushed around to my mound rubbing it gently. I froze. My body was screaming for more and my mind was screaming for him to stop. This wasn't right, it couldn't be happening. He couldn't keep doing this to me. I couldn't do this to Tyler. In the next moment, his agile fingers danced across my bundle of nerve endings, spreading around the rapidly increasing wetness. A fully fledged moan resounded in the small space. I couldn't believe that primal sound had come from me. Jasper slowed his ministrations, drawing away and looking into my eyes. _ Not again, he is not stopping again, no way!_ My internal voice mused. My external voice was much louder and direct. "If you stop this time I'll fucking kill you," I muttered, blown away with my own audacity and choice of language.

"Best keep it quiet then Scarlet," he smirked. I was starting to associate the name Scarlet with being a scarlet woman rather than as a descriptor of my embarrassment. Jasper never used my name during these encounters. I tried to follow instructions, really I did, but when he pushed a finger inside of me, circling my aching clit with his thumb, I couldn't help but whimper. And when he added a second finger I had no choice but to fist my hands in his shirt and bury my face in his neck to muffle the sounds. As he began to pump his fingers in and out of me I felt that familiar burning intensity centring between my legs. The beginning of that undeniable yearning for more. When Jasper increased his pressure on that swollen bud, while curling the fingers inside me upward, something within me broke and I hurtled headlong into a state of pleasure, my orgasm catching me unawares and washing over me like the floodwaters of a broken dam. _My first orgasm. Who knew! It is possible after all. _I clung to Jasper weakly, trying to catch my breath, waiting for my legs to revert from jelly back into flesh and bone. Jaspers removed his hand from my shorts, again resting it on my hips. He leaned closer, his eyes dark. As his face moved towards mine I thought he would finally kiss me, with feeling, not passion, but instead he leaned in to my ear and whispered, "If he can't make you do that every time, then **_he's _**doing it wrong, not you." I gazed into his eyes for a moment, before realizing that he was pulling away. He offered me a sad smile and then turned and walked away, leaving me alone in the barn, my still short breathing echoing in my ears. Shaking my head in disbelief I righted my clothing and spent a few minutes leaning against the wall of the horse stall begging the flush to leave my face before I ventured out to the more populated areas. As I left the barn, preoccupied with the running replay of events in my head, I failed to notice the figure sitting in the shadows chuckling quietly to himself.

I slept well that night, whether due to the physical and mental exhaustion of my encounter with Jasper, or the fact that my body was for once relieved I'll never know. I did not realise how much I would need that rest to get through the day ahead. After waking happy, content and sated, I showered, dressed and headed out to the common area of the main house. The other guys usually wandered in and out using this kitchen for meal preparation. When I walked into the kitchen, my heart sank and my stomach felt as if it were filled with ice cold stones. Alice sat on the bench and Jasper stood before her, one hand each side of her thighs. They were kissing. The soft, slow kiss of new love. My emotions were in such a tangle I thought I would vomit. _I knew he was in love with her, this shouldn't come as a surprise ... but after last night?_

"Oh, er, ... sorry," I stammered before turning and rushing out of the kitchen. My brief angry flight found me sitting on the fence to the horse paddock, the one we were supposed to be repairing, gazing out towards the lake. Jasper found me there a few minutes later. He simply strode up in his slinky cowboy way and stood with his hands on his hips staring at me. This time I stared back.

"So we're not even going to talk about it?" I spat at him.

"It is what it is Bella." _Oh now he uses my name!_ Jasper simply shrugged his shoulders, and then turned and walked away.

For the rest of the day I was poor company. I raged at the world, my internal monologue was ceaseless, Tyler didn't know what he'd done wrong and I couldn't stop berating myself for not stopping Jasper. In the end I thought I would remove myself from the group, instead walking to the far side of the lake where I could swim and relax in the shade, yet remove myself from the company of others. It was a peaceful afternoon, just what the doctor ordered. I was lying on the ground, letting the sun warm my shattered ego and dry my hair when I felt a presence next to me. Jacob had come looking for me. "We're all heading out soon, I thought I'd come and see if you wanted to ride with us?" he asked as he spread out in the sun next to me.

"Thanks Jake, that would be great."

"It's been a good weekend, even if we didn't get the fences finished," he said, making polite conversation.

"They're always good weekends, even when we manage to do a little work," I laughed. Every time I left this place I couldn't wait to come back.

"You certainly had a good time last night_ Scarlet_," he said, wiggling his eyebrows at me.

_What did he just say? _My jaw dropped and I sat bolt upright, almost hyperventilating from the shock. He knew. He was the shadow in the barn. My gums just flapped in the air as the power of speech deserted me.

"Relax Bella," Jake chuckled, barely holding back the laughter. "Your secret's safe with me. I'm not gonna rat you out."

"Jake ... I ... it's not ... we ..." the words just wouldn't come.

"Bella! Chill! Take your happiness where you find it. You're only young once and life is short." He smiled genuinely at me, taking my hand. "Just make sure it's happiness you're getting. I don't like the way he treats you." His eyes were cloudy and I could see he was wanting to say more and biting back the words. And then the familiar twinkle was back as he said, "besides, if you just need to get off, any one of us guys would volunteer no strings attached - you only gotta ask!" Then the tension was broken and we both laughed. He pulled me to my feet and we started walking back towards the ranch. The silence was comfortable. He didn't need details and I didn't need to reveal them. It was almost a relief to think that after all this sneaking around, someone had known. Besides, it's not like it's ever going to happen again.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks for the reviews people. Keep 'em coming. Big thanks in particular to ****_Twisted-Twilighter and katandjasper_**** for your comments. Don't be hating on Jasper too much. He's not in a good place and he really is a good guy. Besides my story has some more wandering to do and Bella has many more smutty things to learn before we get to the end. Read on!**

**I own nothing but my own experiences.**

The world seemed to return to normality after that weekend. Well, at least what we thought was normal at that time in our lives. We kept going to classes. We spent as many weekends as we could at the ranch. We spent as little time as possible with our parents. Charlie had visited the ranch and was pleased with the progress we were making. He even muttered about increasing the budget for repairs if we agreed to spend two weeks there during the summer break. It would be the last time we were all together before college. We dreaded it and couldn't wait at the same time.

Jasper and Alice had become twins joined at the hip. Wherever they went they held hands or touched in some small way, neither of them seeming complete without the other. Emmet and Rosalie continued to waltz through life as if it had been made just for the two of them. Jacob and Leah were open about being friends with benefits, forever extolling their knowledge of sex to those of us willing to listen. Edward remained an entity unto himself, complete and serene in his aloofness, not needing anyone of his own in order to seem whole and happy.

Tyler's obsession with sex was becoming tiring. He seemed to want it every minute of the day. I wanted it too, but not all the time and certainly not in some of the settings that seemed to arouse him. The sex was still okay, good but not great. I'd tried to educate him to what I liked as Rosalie had suggested, but he seemed to only know what he wanted, and was happy to give up on anything else once he was satisfied. He'd become like an octopus with eight arms that I felt like I was constantly fighting off or removing from inappropriate places.

Before we knew it, our school formal was upon us. A night of glitz and glamour where we could pretend to be adults before being flung out in to the adult world. Hours had been spent in preparation. Even by me. I am not what I would call a 'girly' girl. I'm more at home in jeans or sweats than in heels and frills, but I too had taken pains with my appearance this evening, wanting to please Tyler and perhaps turn a few heads. I had chosen a deep, midnight blue dress, elegant in its simplicity. It's layers fitted neatly over my breasts, with lightly gathered fabric accentuating my slim shoulders before falling in gentle waves to my knees. Matching ballet pumps for me, definitely no heels no matter the disadvantage of my diminutive height. I had allowed Alice and Rosalie to curl and pin up my hair, with small tendrils curling loosely around my face. I had even endured a light application of makeup. The things we do! I was however, very impressed with the final result.

Alice had become one of us since teaming up with Jasper. Underneath that quiet exterior was a solid steel nerve. Alice knew what she want and she knew how to get it. It had just taken her a while to work out that Jasper, and consequently all of us, were what she wanted. After submitting ourselves to the obligatory photo session and oohs and aahs of parents, we left them to reminisce and set out for the big night.

We arrived at the local function centre in a swirl of colours and laughter. Young adults we may have been, but there is always something uniquely childish about putting on a party dress. We were all daddy's little girl beneath the surface, all looking for approval from the men in our lives. Conversely, there is something significantly masculine about donning a suit. Our boys were gone, and the men they were becoming stood in their places. For the most part it was a magical evening. Glitter, sequins, stolen kisses and twinkling lights. A place where so many memories are made. A yard stick to which all other events are held in comparison, and sometimes found wanting.

It was a night full of bittersweet moments. Everything I'd hoped for and nothing that I wanted. More than once I caught Jasper gazing at me across the table. The first time that devil was back in his eye, but as the night progressed and he spent more time with Alice, it faded, leaving behind an almost wistful stare. At one point I heard his voice behind me, close enough to feel his breath on the back of my neck, "You're beautiful," he had whispered, but when I turned around, he was gone. Towards the end of the evening I was beginning to notice that I had only danced with Edward or Jacob, Tyler was nowhere to be seen and I couldn't remember him being around since we'd had our photograph taken together by the official photographer earlier in the evening. As the evening began to draw to a close and the dance floor became populated with slow dancing couples, I stood alone. My friends had all paired off (except Edward who was deep in conversation with the Captain of the football team while his girlfriend stood around trying to get his attention). Wasn't this night supposed to be amazing? Wasn't it the kick off to our adult lives, the start to our happily ever after? Was this all I was worth? And so I stood, the wallflower I truly felt myself to be, observing the relationships between my friends. Wondering when I too would find the soul mate that Emmett had found in Rosalie, or even the partner in crime that Jacob had found in Leah. As the tears threatened and my brave front began to dissolve, I saw Rose and Jake approaching me.

"What is it?" I could tell from their faces that something wasn't right. "It's Tyler," said Rosalie in disgust, "he's been drinking outside with Paul and Sam. He's been bad mouthing you all night." My jaw dropped open and my face paled. _ What's he been saying? Why would he say anything about me? _"Rosalie thinks he might come in here and make a scene Bella," said Jake, "Let me take you home before things go bad." I was shocked, how had the evening disintegrated so quickly? And more than anything else - what had he been saying about me? "But what about Leah, it's her night too?" Why would Jake care about getting me home safely when he was here with a girl of his own. "You know it's not like that with us Bells, she gets it. She'll hitch a ride with Rachael and Rebecca and I'll see her later." He smiled at me reassuringly. I was hesitant, but I could live without the drama that a drunk Tyler with an axe to grind promised. "OK Jake, you could be right, we'd better go."

Jake took me by the hand and lead me toward the exit with a quick stop to let Emmet, Alice and Jasper know where we were going. We were about to realise our clean get away, when a crash and a surge of arms and legs in the entryway cut us off. Tyler and his drinking buddies had made an entrance. But they were more than drunk. They were completely out of their minds on some substance or other. "There she ish Tyl-ah," slurred Sam, "grab her and let's get outta he-ya." Tyler stalked crazily towards me, grabbing my arm and trying to pull me towards him. I tried to speak calmly to him, not betraying my fear, "I'm not going anywhere with you like this Tyler." He looked down at me with such disdain that I felt like some dirty piece of garbage stuck to the bottom of his shoe. For the first time he noticed Jacob standing there, his hand on my shoulder, ready to step in and protect me. We had drawn a small crowd, people gathering around to see what the noise was had stayed to watch the show. Amongst them were Edward, Emmet, Ben and Mike, circling around behind Jake and I to offer their support if necessary. "I see you've replaced me already," he remarked, nodding in Jake's direction. "Or does he get you off, fuck knows I can't seem to," he hissed between gritted teeth. My face was on fire. How could he say something like that in front of everybody? "Or maybe you'd just like it better with an audience." His drunken smile had turned into a malevolent grimace, and with a speed that belied his intoxication he reached out, shoving his hand into my dress and pawing roughly at my breast. Before my outraged scream could reach my lips, Tyler hit the floor, bleeding profusely from his nose and mouth. Edward, of all people, of all my male protectors, stood there nursing his fist, his face a mask of unspoken rage. "That's no way to treat a lady," he muttered and then stalked off in search of ice. Tyler and his buddies were quickly ejected by the chaperones and teaching staff on duty for the evening. I just stood there, silent and still, unable to move with tears trickling down my face. "It's okay Bells, it's over now. He's gone, I'll take you home." Jacob wrapped me softly in his arms, drawing my head to his shoulder until my tears were under control and my fears subdued. We drove home mostly in silence, my head swimming with the questions I could never answer. Why would he say that? I had tried to make it better between us, tried to show him what worked. But then, I had only known what worked because of that illicit encounter with Jasper in the barn. It was only because of him that I knew there was something more and that it was okay to want it. I deserved this I guess, I had kind of cheated on him after all. It took a while to realise that Jake's car had pulled up in the driveway outside my house. Charlie was working tonight and it would be a quiet and cold house I returned to. Jake pulled me close across the cab of the pickup. He held me for a minute placing a chaste kiss on my forehead. "Don't waste your life waiting for him Bella, he may never work it out. Be happy, even if happy is without him." _So wise for one who is not in my shoes. _"Don't worry Jake, I'm not wasting any more time. I'm done with Tyler. It is so over," I reply, shaking my head at my past mistakes. I lean over and give Jake a quick kiss on the cheek as I exit the car, waiting as he winds down the window. "Thanks for bailing me out," I say, suddenly exhausted by the whole evening. "No problem Bells, we're all here for you, I've told you that before." He grins at me and I remember our conversation that night after he caught me in the barn with Jasper.

"Besides," he mutters, almost too quietly to hear, "I wasn't talking about Tyler." And he drives off leaving me wondering how I made this big a mess of things in such a short time.


	6. Chapter 6 Wash Away My Fears

**Here is another chapter hot on the heels of the last. I have a few days of work, so more writing time. Don't be disturbed about the twists and turns in the plot. There is a master plan. Reviews welcome.**

They were the beginning of dark days. There were occasional rays of sunshine. The warmth of friends, of time spent together. Laughter, love and learning experiences. At the time none of us recognised the ominous future that loomed over us all. I was quick to embrace the darkness, never knowing that this was really only a twilight of sorts. A slow, colourful dimming of the light before the night takes us. They say it's always darkest before the dawn, and our dawn was a very long time in coming.

After Jake had pulled away the night before, leaving his words burned into my mind, I locked myself in my room. I tore the blue dress off and flung it in the corner thinking that once it was out of sight the ordeal would be over. How could I have dressed like that and invited so much unwanted attention. What was wrong with me that Tyler found it so hard to please me and why had he been so unwilling to learn together? I pulled on some ratty old sweats as my head spun round and round. I crawled into my bed, pulling up the covers without taking down my hair or wiping off my makeup. The tears continued to slide silently down my face until my eyes were swollen and my skin was salty and burned. When Charlie came home from work in the small hours of the morning, he uncharacteristically stepped in to my bedroom. "Are you awake Bella?" he asked softly? I sniffed by way of response. " I heard what happened with Tyler. One of the chaperones called. We ended up pulling him and his buddies in on a drunk and disorderly. You alright?" _Was I alright? A question for the ages indeed. _"Go away Charlie," I muttered. He drew in a breath as if to say something else, but changed his mind and turned away, closing the door behind him.

The night was endless. The morning bought no relief. I watched some tv, the morning news said something about some superflu in China. _Who cares?_ The Mariners had won their game the day before._ Who cares? _The weather would be fine but overcast and chilled. _Who cares?_ I could not find the energy to care. I could not find the energy to get out of bed, or wash or start the day. If I stayed here forever would anyone notice? Charlie noticed, but being unaccustomed as he was to dealing with drama queen daughters, he let me be. Around midmorning I heard the door open and Charlie speaking quietly to someone downstairs. "You can try Jasper, but I don't think she's coming out of that room today." _Or any day soon._ I heard his footsteps on the stairs and felt the bed dip as he sat beside me. "Are you okay Bella?" _Of course I'm not okay. There's something broken in me and I don't know what it is or how to fix it._ But I stayed silent. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you last night, things with Alice got a bit strange." _Yep that's what I want to talk about - you and Alice._ I rolled away from him, huddling further into the bed. "Tyler's in the lock up now. Charlie had to detain him last night. He's got a drug problem Bella. It's not on you, nothing you did made him act like this." _You sure about that cowboy? Apparently I'm a dud in the sack. Who knew?_ He reached over laying his hand on my shoulder. "He had no right to treat you like that. You looked gorgeous last night Scarlet." This last statement finally broke through my haze. "Go back to Alice, Jasper. And don't call me Scarlet," I spat. The tears began to flow again. Jasper left. He's good at that.

By mid week I had only left the bed for bathroom breaks and the odd glass of water. I hadn't eaten, washed or changed. My head was a mess. I knew I had been skipping school, but I just couldn't face anyone. I was stuck on a repeating record. No-one loves me, I'm worthless, I'm broken and ugly. Every day was the same. Flu in China, death tolls rising, sports match results, weather reports. No-one cares. I can't care enough to move.

The biggest shock, looking back now, was Edward. I had been surprised when it had been him that hit Tyler. Not surprised by the sentiment behind it - Edward always seemed proper and operated by his own set of rules. If he would not treat a woman this way, then he would not fathom how someone else would, nor would he condone it. All beats march to his drum. I was surprised that he acted on it in such a way. Always the model of etiquette and decorum, it seemed so out of character for him to resort to physical violence. I was more surprised when I heard his voice in my house talking to Charlie. He had started spending more time at home, leaving work early or not going in. I guess he was worried, but was, like me, at a loss as to what to do next. Snippets of conversation floated up the stairs.

"... Sorry to interrupt Sir, is Bella at home?" _Was that Edward?_

" ... here, sort of." _Thanks Charlie._

"I'm sorry Sir, I don't understand." _What's not to understand Edward, I've lost my mind._

"Sorry Son, I mean that she's not in a good way. She hasn't left her room since the formal. You can go on up and see her if you want. Hell, drag her out of bed if you want. I don't know what to do with her." _Sorry Charlie, I don't know what to do with me either._

"Umm, no Sir, I don't think it would be appropriate for me to go into her room under these circumstances." _What the...? Appropriate to go in my room? Dude you punched a guy for me!_

"Suit yourself Edward," said Charlie exasperated.

"But I think I know someone who could help." _Really, you do?_

"At this point, I'm willing to try anything. What do you have in mind son?" _This should be good. _ I can remember having that thought. I can remember being exhausted by the simple act of following their conversation while holding the accusations in my head at bay. I didn't remember falling asleep, peacefully, for perhaps the first time since this whole thing began.

I was awakened by a sinking nauseous feeling in my stomach as the edge of my bed dipped violently._ What now? _ "Wake up Bella!" The voice was insistent. It was familiar. It was not taking no for an answer nor responding to the cold shoulder treatment. It was Jacob. What the hell was he doing here? "What the hell is wrong with you?" _Are you kidding, is he angry with me? _ "Why on earth would you be in such a state over a dickhead loser, like Tyler?" _He is. He is angry with me. Doesn't he know it was my fault?_ Jake had begun shaking me, trying to gain some kind of reaction. I started to give a little, I opened my eyes and stole a glance at him. He was so angry it was frightening. I closed my eyes again and rolled away from him._ I can't deal with this right now._ "That's enough Bella, you're getting out of this bed and leaving this house now with me." He was losing his anger now, retreating in to desperation.

"None of it matters Jake. Go be with Leah and leave me alone." My voice was hoarse from the disuse and the crying. "It all matters Bella. You are so much more than what that jerk, what either of those jerks thinks of you. I bet you'd be talking now if it was Jasper sitting here." The anger had returned, his voice dripped with venom at the mention of Jasper's name.

"Show's what you know," I retorted, giving in to a momentary flash of emotion. "He was here days ago and I sent him back to Alice where he belongs." The tightness was back in my chest, that hole that threatened to consume me. Jasper had left like he always did. Tyler hadn't cared enough to come, though that was probably just as well. Who would want to face up to Charlie after that. As quickly as it came, the surge of emotion burnt itself out, leaving lethargy and numbness in its place. I rolled away from Jake again, retreating back into my mind and its endless questions. Jacob watched my mind leave, while my body remained present. "Jesus Bella, this has got to stop!" Before I could take in another breath my world turned upside down. Literally.

"Sorry Charlie, you're not going to like this but bare with me!" Jacob yelled down the stairs to Charlie while in the same move tearing back the covers and yanking me in to his arms. He carried me rapidly across the hall into the bathroom whispering in to my ear all the while. "I swear to you Bella, you are worth so much more than you think. I am going to kill both those sons of bitches for making you doubt yourself. But right now babe, you stink, and you need to get out of this house." He dumped me unceremoniously on the bathroom floor, shut the door behind us and turned on the water. While he waited for it to warm up, he began stripping off, leaving only his boxers on before starting on me. I was too mortified to resist. He talked quietly to me all the time about how much the others were looking forward to seeing me again, how everyone at school was disgusted with Tyler's behaviour, how no-one blamed me for his being arrested. When he'd removed my outer layers revealing a well worn pair of white cotton panties and a fitted singlet he held me close to him as if fearing I would try to escape and eased us both under the stream of hot water. I don't know how long we stood there before the dam inside me burst one final time. The warmth of the water, the safety of being in someone's arms, someone with no expectations or hidden motives, the quiet litany of words like a prayer rolling from Jake's tongue, "Come back to me Bella," as he stroked my hair. I melted. The tears came again, not silent and deadly this time, but wracking, cleansing sobs. Jake held me close through it all, certain that I would find my way out. "Oh my God Jake, I've been such an idiot! What's wrong with me?"

"You've got to learn to roll with things a bit more babe. Life never works out how we want it to, but you can't let it destroy you. If they can't see you for who you are, then they're not worth it. You have friends who care about you. Lean on us for a bit. Besides, if you don't show up at school tomorrow, you'll have Rosalie to deal with!"

I laughed at that. It sounded foreign to me, as if I hadn't heard it in a long time. How could I have sunk down so deep in just a few days. I had to get a grip on myself. "Thank you Jake," I whispered planting a grateful peck on his lips. "Anytime Bella, now turn around." Gently but firmly, Jake shampooed my hair. Each touch of his fingers massaging the life back in to me. I was tired, but hungry and calm, feeling as if some ordeal had been endured and I had come out the other side. Jake turned off the water and I climbed out of the shower, dripping on to the floor, while contemplating my next move. I was standing there in dripping wet, see through underwear, and there was no way I was getting rid of that in front of Jake, wet or not.

"Umm, a towel Bella... wrap yourself in a towel and then get me one too." _Of course, why didn't I think of that. I guess my brain's only half functioning still. _ I grabbed a towel from the cabinet wrapping it round myself. It was only when I turned back to hand Jake his towel that I noticed the large bulge in his boxer shorts. Immediately my face resumed its normal functions turning crimson.

"Come on Bells, don't go all Alice on me! You're my friend, but I'm still human, it's not every day I get to hold a gorgeous, half naked woman in the shower! Now get out of here. Go put on some clothes and let me do the same."

I threw on some clean clothes and walked cautiously down the stairs to deal with Charlie. I'm sure I could expect embarrassing questions about what had gone on in the shower mixed with even more concerning questions about the state of my mental health. The short distance felt like a million mile hike in my currently weakened state. I arrived after what seemed like an eternity to find a misty eyed Charlie hovering over some soup on the stove. "I think that's the first and only time that I'll be happy to know you're in the shower with a guy under my roof," he muttered gruffly trying to break the ice.

"Charlie, Dad, I'm so sorry, I don't know how I got so bad so quick."

"It doesn't matter now Bella, just glad your back with us," he said pulling me in for a fatherly hug, an uncommon display of emotion for him. "Hungry?"

An hour or so later, when I had begun to feel like my old self again, although exhausted and ready for bed, Jake had decided it was time to leave me to my own devices. I walked him out to his car after making arrangements to meet before school the next day. As he turned to leave, my curiosity finally won out and the words slipped out before I could control them.

"Jake," I whispered, "Why'd you come today?"

"Edward called. He said that he'd been over here and that Charlie had said you were in a bad way. He had some strange notion that it was inappropriate for him to step in, but that someone needed to. I didn't think you'd be so bad Bells, or I'd have come sooner. I thought he was kidding when he said Charlie didn't know what to do and was considering getting you some psychiatric help." He paused here, and I could see the worry in his eyes and I bitterly regretted causing my friends and my dad to feel this way over me. "I couldn't believe that limp lifeless thing on the bed was you. There was no way I was leaving you like that."

"Thanks Jake. I really don't know how I got to be so depressed. I couldn't get out of my head. But why didn't you just leave me there?"

"I don't know for sure. But I do know I got to spend the afternoon in the shower with a crazy, gorgeous, half naked girl. Every teenage boys dream!"

He got into his car, waved goodbye and left. I stood there for a while, giggling quietly as I looked at the starry sky. It felt good to be back in the land of the living.

It was only later that night as I was drifting off to sleep that I wondered what Jake had meant by not going all Alice on him.


	7. Chapter 7 - Back to Basics

**Hello readers. I haven't been finding as much time to write lately but am still trying to get all my thoughts onto the screen whenever I can. Hope you are still enjoying it and being patient while the story unfolds. Remember - if you don't like it - don't read it. Would love some reviews. Here goes ...**

The next few weeks passed in a blur. It was good to be back with my friends. There was so much support from them. I had begun to wonder what I was so worried about, to sink into such a depression about such a little thing. Sure, at the time it was enormous, but looking back, and putting things in perspective, I couldn't believe that I had seen myself only through their eyes, or at least, the eyes of the two of them who had meant so much but respected me so little. I knew there was a history of instability in the family - I mean just look at Renee. She was either up or down with very little in between. I knew I would have to work hard at keeping things on an even keel and as Jake had put it, roll with the punches more. I couldn't let myself sink like that again. Not at this time in my life when the world was at my feet.

We handed in our final assignments, waited anxiously for college placements and planned our time after graduation. While we all valued our independence, none of us were in a hurry to head to a school on the other side of the country. A few of our friends, like Angela, Ben and Lauren were headed a bit further afield, but most of us would live only a few hours away from our current homes, making it easy to keep in contact. Jasper and Alice were probably headed the farthest away, but both of their parents had the means to bring them home as often as they would like. We had all worked and saved to support ourselves over the break so that we could all live at the ranch without having to commute to a part time job. Charlie had forked out for a generator as we had accomplished so much throughout the year, and consequently we could go off the grid. We didn't need utilities and had mobile phones for contact with the outside world. We were overjoyed when Jasper's parents gave us a prepaid account at the nearest grocery store, substantially subsidising our living expenses. They felt it was worth it to see Jasper happy and to have their home to themselves over the break.

Graduation was full of the pomp and ceremony you would expect. Our proud parents were all in attendance, even Edward's mother and father had adjusted their busy schedule in order to share the momentous occasion. As we kicked back over pizza the day after all the graduation buzz, we discussed the plans for our four weeks at the ranch. I was heading up first thing in the morning and couldn't wait to have a couple of days to myself before the group descended on me, no doubt wiping out any available peace and quiet. Jasper and Jacob had teamed up, and would be coming along late on the second day. Jacob was bringing the truck and towing a trailer for the horses. His Dad, Billy had allowed us to take two of the horses from the reservation and the boys were going to teach some of us to ride. It was supposed to supplement our experience of living off the land. Emmett was in charge of bringing Rosalie, Lauren, Ben, and Angela, who would stay for two of the four weeks, leaving just Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, Jake and myself for the last two weeks. Edward, Leah and Alice would come and go as often as they could between packing for college and family commitments.

That first night, alone in the country, was absolute bliss. I swam naked in the lake, feeling the cool water revitalise every pore of my skin, never fearing being seen or judged by unknown eyes. I ate beans straight from the can that I cooked on the open fire, but I looked forward to having a cold drink when the boys arrived tomorrow and started the generator. It didn't seem worth it just for me. As I sat out on the veranda that night, looking up at the stars, I realised how much I loved this place. How truly at home I felt here. If I wasn't so fond of company, or of keeping my mind occupied, I could blow off college and come live here permanently. I also considered that it was the place where I was most true to myself. I was a stronger, calmer Bella here. I like the Bella that was quietly competent in managing the ranch and getting the day to day chores done. The one who could ask the boys for help with something without tying up what I believed myself to be in their answers. I vowed then, that I would not rush headlong into another relationship, but would investigate myself and what I wanted instead of what someone else wanted from me. Besides, you can have sex without love right? There would no doubt be some opportunity to quell the raging hormones without proposing marriage. I would meet someone sometime surely, and if not, then I'd just have to take matters in to my own hands. This break was all about looking after me after all.

When Jake and Jasper arrived the following day, I was overjoyed to see them. I rushed to them both, hugging them as if it had been an age, rather than a matter of days since I'd seen them. Jake returned my hug with gusto, Jasper less so, eyeing me quizzically. I had forgotten that we parted last on bad terms and it was a somewhat less energetic and adjusted Bella he had to deal with at that time. I couldn't wait to meet the two horses they had bought with them and jumped around excitedly as they were unloaded and settled into the newly restored paddock. While Jake worked at calming and settling then animals and set about filling their water trough, Jasper and I collected the tack and equipment that the boys had bought with them and headed towards the barn. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do!" Jake called flippantly after us as we struggled with the horse gear. My face instantly reddened, thinking back to the night when Jake had caught us in the barn. _That could be construed as an innocent comment right? It will just go right over Jasper's head._ But it didn't. As soon as we reached the relative privacy of the barn Jasper turned to me, white with shock and some other underlying emotion that I couldn't quite work out - anger, shame, guilt ... all of the above?

"You told him! What the fuck Scarlet?"

"Whoa, slow your roll there Cowboy! You've never acknowledged what happened that night and this is how you broach the subject? " My anger was barely controlled and I felt as if I'd gone from peace to Defcon 1 in 60 seconds. I had to get control of myself and fast. I stopped and drew in several shuddering breaths before raising my eyes to meet the confused and apologetic ones belonging to Jasper.

"I'm sorry," I said, breathing deeply again. "Touchy subject. I have never spoken about it to anyone, including you. It turns out we weren't alone in the barn that night."

"How much did he see?" asked Jasper, concern filtering through in his voice.

"He saw and heard the whole thing." My confidence had returned. After all, it had been a situation I had entered into willingly, and in light of how things had turned out with Tyler I didn't regret it. It was Jasper who had professed undying love for another and left me wanting. Jake had been true to his word and never mentioned what had happened to me or anyone else.

"What did he say?" The concern had changed to curiosity.

"That you had to take your happiness where you found it, but to make sure it was happiness I was getting. He promised he wouldn't tell and then pretty much volunteered his services." I shrugged my shoulders and tried to gauge Jasper's reaction.

"Well there you go! Nothing to worry about I guess." His smile was back, along with that devil that often resided in his eyes. I really needed to bring him back to earth. I wanted him to stop feeling like he'd gotten off the hook for something.

"Yeah, nothing to worry about, Alice won't find out," I smirked back at him, but that bravado slipped when I saw the devil die and the guilt return. I headed back out toward Jake and the horses calling back over my shoulder. "We will talk about this you know."

"I owe you that much," whispered Jasper, too quietly for me to hear.

That night the three of us were chilling around the fire with a cold beer. The boys had gotten the generator going, some steaks were waiting to be grilled while some potatoes were roasting in tin foil in the flames. Vegetables be damned! This was us surviving off the land, or at least off the supplies Jasper's parents had sent along for us to be going on with. The mood was relaxed. There was an ease between the three of us that I hadn't experienced before. Jasper and Jake had obviously found some common ground during the drive up. Jake was always unassuming and non-judgemental, as Jasper's recent discovery had proven. Jasper and I were on better footing. We had been friends for a long time, but that seemed to have gotten messed up along the way. For tonight at least, it seemed like old times, like the three of us had always been this way, in this place.

As Jasper returned to the fireside with three fresh beers, he stood next to Jake, passing him the cool bottle and attracting his attention by clearing his throat. "Umm, it seems as if I have a reason to thank you for keeping your mouth shut." I was caught somewhere between amazed and mortified. Jasper had not once spoken to me of that night, or any other thing that had passed between us, and here he was entering a dialogue about it with Jake!

"Aah," said Jake, chuckling, "so now you know that I know."

"Yeah, you kind of let that slip this afternoon. I thought maybe Bella had told you about it."

"Not the case my friend. No word of incrimination passed through her ruby red lips. I was just lurking in the shadows, minding my own business and then I was suddenly minding your business too." His smile was so wide I thought his cheeks would split in two. He was enjoying having Jasper in this position I think.

"Thanks for not saying anything. I appreciate it, especially with me and Alice just starting out .. and besides, it really wasn't what it looked like."

_Are you kidding me, did he honestly just lie straight to Jake's face?_

"I'm gonna stop you right there my friend. Firstly, I am not new, I know how these things work. Secondly, I could hear every little whimper and groan you got from Bella, and I could see exactly where you hands were wanderin'. I knew I should've turned away, but I was enjoying the show just too damn much. It was exactly what it looked like. As I told Bella, life is short man, take your happiness where you find it. I'm not here to judge or to air your dirty linen." He paused, allowing Jasper to own up to his actions and feel the embarrassment of being caught in an outright lie. Then he cast his discerning gaze at me. "And I'll say this to you Bella - it's okay to get what you want, just make sure whoever it is treats you right. Walking away is okay, if it's okay with you both. Don't go rushing in to any available relationship just because you have an itch that needs to be scratched. Just scratch it and move on. Besides, if it's just relief you need, I've already volunteered my services. Jasper has his hands full with Alice. Things there aren't all they appear to be. "

There were several moments of near silence. No conversation, where all that could be heard was the crackle and pop of the fire and the occasional noise of a night bird or horse. My face was red (wasn't it always?) from the suggestion that Jake would take care of my needs. Jasper's face was challenging mine in a duel of sunset colours at having yet another of his secrets revealed. Jake seemed awfully pleased with himself. "On that note, I am going to go make myself scarce. I might even grill those steaks while I'm at it. But I think you two need to have a conversation." He waggled his eyebrows meaningfully at us, turned his heels in the dirt and walked away.

"What's going on with Alice?" My immediate reaction was not to wallow in the murky waters of my sexual awakening at Jasper's hand, but genuine concern for the relationship he had been so sure would eventuate.

"Umm, nothing really ..." I just raised my eyebrows at him. I had been there for Jake's comment, it wasn't just a diversion.

"We used to talk about everything Jasper, remember? Things have been awkward between us, but they don't have to be. I get that you aren't going to be with me, but I still want you to be happy. I can handle it."

He looked at me, confused I suppose and rightly so. He leant over and drew me into his arms, hugging me tight. "I've missed you Bella. I never meant to mess things up so badly. Just, sometimes, when you're near me, I can't help myself. I want you. I know I can't have you and that I shouldn't touch, but God Bella, the things you make me want to do to you."

I hugged him back. "Did you think I didn't feel the same way? You've done things to me that I never imagined, made me feel things that I didn't think were possible. But I can live without that Jasper, you need to get that from Alice. I can't handle it when you're not there to talk to. That whole thing with Tyler. I couldn't stand to face you, but all I wanted was for you to tell me what I'd done wrong, and that it would be okay again. I'm still here for you. I always will be."

We were still clinging to each other, enjoying the platonic comfort of being in the arms of a friend when Jake returned with the food. I felt as if a hole inside me had been mended. I was warm and peaceful and content again. We didn't feel the need to pull apart just because he had joined us. There was nothing wrong with this exchange between friends.

"Well that's a start," muttered Jake. And it was.


	8. Chapter 8 - Dirty Laundry

**Well the chapters seem to be getting longer as Bella gets braver. Hope you are still enjoying it. I would love some feedback. Thanks to all those who have followed, favourited or reviewed. That's why I keep writing.**

**These lovely characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

That night had been a new beginning. I had started mending fences with Jasper. I had started to have a different kind of relationship with Jake. He was no longer just the son of my father's close friend, he was a close friend of mine. He could listen as well as Jasper and always spoke honestly, without manipulating my thoughts and feelings. It was the start of my life as "New Bella". The strong one who didn't take any shit and who could go out and get what she wanted. It was the start of finding out what I wanted.

We had an entire week, just the three of us before Emmett would arrive with our other friends. A week to define ourselves and settle in to a routine of sorts. Each morning we gathered in the kitchen of the main house to drink coffee, listen to the radio news and plan the events of the day. Each of us had our own space - there was plenty of it and no need to double up the accommodations at this stage. I had been sleeping in the family homestead. It was, after all, my family property. The house could easily have slept all three of us and then some, but assuming that the boys would be grateful for some privacy, they had each been offered and accepted the use of one of the farm stay buildings. Ever the early riser, it was always Jake who came in first thing in the morning and started the coffee. I stumbled into the kitchen shortly after and cooked the breakfast, while Jasper showed up just in time to eat it, although to his credit he always cleared up after us.

On our second morning together, as the radio announced the news of the world (super flu has spread to Eastern Europe, China recovering from death toll in its wake, teams warming up for super bowl, no rain expected in the near future) I found myself clad only in light sleep shorts and a t-shirt, gazing out the window, wishing I had been sensible enough to either have gone to bed earlier the night before, or not gotten up quite so early this morning. As I contemplated the available store of groceries and what to make for my no doubt starving companions, I was greeted with a hearty laugh from Jake. "Now there's a sight I'd be happy to wake up to every morning." Blushing from head to toe, I quickly straightened up from my exploration of the fridge, promptly smoothing down my shorts over my partially exposed posterior. "Oh and there's another sight I wish I was responsible for!" My mouth was hanging open in confusion. _ What did he want to be responsible for? Were my boobs hanging out? Had I forgotten to dress? What is he on about?_ Taking in my bewilderment, Jake laughed again and decided to put me out of my misery. "You all red in the face with bed hair Bella! It's hot! I just wish I'd been the one to put you in that state. You didn't have Jasper up there with you last night did you?"

"NO! Of course I didn't!" There it was again, Defcon 1 in an instant. Outrage coursing through my veins. All Jasper did was hurt me - I wasn't going down that road again.

"Hmm struck a nerve I see," said Jake with his unyielding honesty. "Deep breaths Bella!"

I stood in the kitchen, shaking, trying to calm my nerves. I was so not used to anyone knowing what had happened between me and Jasper, let alone acknowledging it in the cold light of day and making jokes about it. Jake approached me carefully with his hands out, as if he were nearing a startled horse. I turned to stare out the window, trying to find anything to focus on that would end this conversation. Jacob came to stand behind me, casually throwing an arm around my shoulders and drawing me close. It was settling and disconcerting at the same time. "I don't care who you had up there last night or whether you took care of business yourself. I'm just messin' with you. You could have the President up there in your bed for all I care, the only time it becomes my business is when you finally let me make your face red and mess up your hair. I told you before. Get it where you can and damn the consequences. You're old enough to know what you want and ain't no-one should be able to make you think otherwise." I relaxed a little and nodded as I leaned back against him. He leant in and gave me a quick peck on the cheek before releasing me and swatting me playfully on the buttocks. "Now make my damn breakfast woman!" I laughed. A good, solid, belly laugh that I hadn't thought could come from me. I turned back to the refrigerator to get out what I needed, only to see that Jasper was there watching the whole exchange. All I could do was offer a shrug of the shoulders, and continue with my preparations.

We had decided that with the increasingly warm days, we would devote the mornings to chores and repairs and the afternoons would be our own. We made sure that the horses were fed and watered. Jake and Jasper began checking the roof of the barn for leaks and fixing or replacing whatever broken shingles they could find there. I had started the task of clearing some space behind the main house for a kitchen garden. Some of the herbs and vegetables I had planned on planting would do well with the little attention they would receive and not perish between visits unless they were attacked by the local wildlife. After a break for lunch, Jasper decided he would drive the truck into the small town site near the ranch and collect the supplies we needed for the next lot of repairs and would try to Skype Alice from the internet cafe there. Hopefully she would be able to join us out here soon. Jake decided it would be a good opportunity for my first riding lesson and that we would head out towards the tree line that was the northern property boundary. After issuing a list of supplies for Jasper to collect in town (more beer and a variety of junk food), we all agreed to meet back at the homestead by sunset for the evening meal.

As it turned out, I was hopeless at riding. I couldn't seem to make my horse understand that I was in charge and that she had to go where I directed her. I was able to mount the horse okay, though I wished I had not chosen to wear my skimpy denim shorts when I caught the lusty look Jake was giving off as I swung my leg over the saddle. I could move okay with her when she was walking along, but anything faster and I lost my timing, bucking against the horse when we should have been moving together. And co-ordinating holding and using the reins, while timing the use of my legs ... forget it! Jacob was a very patient teacher, though he could not help but laugh at my lack of skill. I knew I would get it eventually with practice. After all, I had four weeks to learn and it wasn't as if I had to ride the horse back home now was it? After an hour and a half of trying, but not quite reaching a level of mastery where Jake was happy to let me actually venture out of the paddock, I declared enough for one day.

" I was hoping to take you over to the falls for a swim this afternoon Bella, but I see that we'll either have to settle for the lake, or you'll have to double with me. Just as well you're a lightweight and Samson here will manage us both." I had forgotten about the falls. Emmett had discovered them on one of our exploratory missions earlier in the year. They were only about ten minutes on foot from the tree line bordering the property, but without either a horse or an off road vehicle to get there, the trek was hardly worth it. It was a lovely secluded water hole with a gentle waterfall cascading down. Ideal for a summer afternoon swim. I jumped at the chance to ride out with Jacob, pausing only long enough to close the gate, securing the stubborn Delilah in the paddock before clambering up in front of Jake. It felt a little awkward at first, and I tried to hold myself away from him, supporting myself without the aid of a saddle proved harder that Jacob made it look, and of course, his arms were around me to hold the reins, a quasi-embrace that I wasn't entirely comfortable with. After a few minutes of this Jacob leant forward and whispered in my ear, "Relax Bella, I'm not Jasper. I can touch you without it turning in to something else. Just go with the rhythm of the horse, make some conversation and we'll be there before you know it." He was right of course. It was possible to be in close proximity to someone without it turning into a sexual gesture. I couldn't think of anything to talk about so eventually I blurted out the question that had been on my mind since our first night here, the night of secret revelations.

"Jake, what's going on between Jasper and Alice? You know something don't you?"

"Yes Ma'am I do," he replied. It was clear that he was considering his next words carefully. "Look Bella, I'm not one to go exploring other people's problems too deeply or to share them around but, most of what I have observed happened around that time that you were kind of out of action, you would have seen it for yourself if you were in your right mind. Also, regardless of whatever kind of asshole moves he's been making on you lately, you guys have got something between you. I know you share lots of things, and I don't just mean a quickie in the barn. He's going to need your help with this sooner or later."

"Wow, I knew that something was up, that things weren't quite what he expected, but what on earth is going on, you've got me worried." What a poor friend I had been. So wrapped up in the stupidity with Tyler that I hadn't spared a thought for Jasper. He's said that things with Alice were 'strange', but I'd never taken the time to follow that up.

"Look, I don't know that it's all that earth shattering in the great scheme of things. I just know that Alice isn't quite as worldly as Jasper might like. I knew she was shy, it took her long enough to get together with him, but it seems like more than that to me and I don't know if he's handling it very well. "

"What are you talking about Jake? What do you mean worldly?"

"Oh God, how did I get myself into this. You know me Bella, I tell it like it is. Forgive me if I offend or if I am not politically correct in my choice of language, but this is how I see it. I know Jasper's been with a few girls and I've never heard any complaints on the gossip circuit. Besides, from what I observed in the barn that night, he's not entirely without skills when it comes to pleasing a woman .."

"Jesus Jake, can you move on from that already. If I'd known you were there ..."

"Yeah I know, I should have left but it was really fuckin' hot and I just couldn't turn away, but stay on topic here girlie. From my observations I can see that Jasper knows what he's about when it comes to the female anatomy, unlike your friend Tyler I believe, so that can't be the problem."

_Holy shit, was there anything that got past him? Don't tell me he spent his time lurking around watching Tyler and I as well as opportune voyeur moments with Jasper!_

"The problem is, I think, that while we all knew Alice was the shy and reserved type, she may actually have a problem with physical intimacy."

I was thinking back to the first time Alice joined us at the ranch. The night in the barn before she and Jasper hooked up. All the girls were talking sex and comparing notes around the fire, and Alice had made the comment that _Jasper wouldn't want to do anything like that would he?_ I had thought it was just new relationship nerves. From a virgin's perspective, sex can be a scary thing, especially when you are just beginning to know your partner physically. But perhaps her reservations ran deeper than that.

"This is more than just a feeling you have isn't it Jake? What did you see?"

Jake had the good grace to blush (though far inferior to my own) before continuing with his tale. "You know me Bella, I like to watch ..." he said, lightly shrugging his shoulders. "A few times now I've seen them together. She stiffens every time he touches her. It takes a while for her to get used to having his hands on her. And I don't mean _touching_ her, I mean like, just putting his hand on her arm or trying to hold hands. She loosens up eventually, and he's very patient, but he hasn't made much progress. He's kissed her a few times, sometimes she's in to it and sometimes she's not and pulls away. But the worst night was the night of the prom. I don't know where they stand with each other now, but I don't think they've broken up. After we'd gotten you home safe, a bunch of us went to the bonfire on First Beach. I honestly didn't think you were so messed up Bella, none of us did or one of us would have stayed with you, but we didn't get it and so went on with our plans. It was like an orgy out there. Emmett and Rosalie were practically getting it on in front of everyone and I think there were more than a few of our classmates who got lucky that night. Alice and Jasper had been kissing for a while. She'd been sitting in his lap and wiggling about trying to avoid the kissing I suppose, but the wiggling had the effect you would expect on a sex starved Jasper. I guess he thought that she doubted his feelings for her, and if he could just prove to her how attracted he was she'd get over herself."

"Oh No Jake! What happened? I know he'd never force himself on her, but something obviously happened."

"No he didn't force himself on her, he's not that type of guy. I guess he must have gotten hard from her wiggling about, I know I would have. I didn't hear it all but if I put the pieces together it think I know what happened. He said something like _Oh God Alice, don't pull away, can't you see what you do to me? _He must have taken her hand and pushed it into his crotch so she could cop of feel of his hard on. She totally freaked. It was like he'd handed her a live snake. She was screaming at him to get that thing away from her. That he was a disgusting low life with no respect for women and calling him names I've never heard without actually invoking a swear word. He was completely stunned and left standing there wondering what the fuck had happened. By the next day we were all kind of concerned about you and had forgotten about it. I don't know if they've even talked since. I don't think Jasper understands that there's a problem. I think he just feels rejected by Alice."

"When he came round that day I knew he wanted to talk about Alice, but I just wasn't in the right headspace."

"And nor did anyone expect you to be. It was just bad timing. I'm just giving you a heads up that he might want to talk about it sometime. I can't imagine that he'd talk about it with anyone but you."

"Thanks Jacob, I'll keep an eye on him."

We had arrived at last at the falls. Jacob helped me dismount from Samson and promptly threw me fully clothed into the pond at the bottom of the waterfall. Thank goodness it was a warm day and my clothes would dry out quickly. I stripped off my shorts, laying them on a rock to dry, content to swim in my t-shirt and panties. Jacob had a great time swimming. He kept diving under the water and surfacing directly in front of me. As close as he could get without making actual contact. It was fun trying to dodge and get away from him but I have to admit it was kind of arousing to have him so close. Poor Bella, no action for a couple of weeks and she starts imagining that every guy wants to touch her. As if! Eventually Jacob tired of the game and was laying on the rock near my shorts soaking up the sun. I went to stand under the small cascade of water from the falls, enjoying the water running through my hair and down between my breasts. Feeling the need to dry off before heading back, I too got out of the pond and lay out on a nearby rock. I wrung out my shirt as much as I could without removing it (I wasn't that comfortable with Jake!) and pulled it up a little, baring my belly to the warm air. I dozed languidly in the afternoon heat, slowly becoming aware of my body and how it felt. My nipples had stiffened from the afternoon breeze and I had lain on my back with the skin below my breasts to the waistband of my panties turning pink from the sunlight. I had inadvertently drawn my knees up so that my bare feet were flat against the rock below them, but my feet were slightly apart allowing a clear view of my most intimate self, covered only with the fabric of my underwear. I was beginning to hope fervently that the fabric was still dark enough when wet to hide my feminine treasures. As if reading my mind Jacob spoke up, "Darling, I can see everything you've got right now." The old Bella would have turned purple and run away screaming. But not the new Bella. The new Bella simply blushed a light shade of red, spread her legs further apart and retorted, "You can look, but you can't touch."

"You'll change your mind eventually you know," Jake chuckled, not offended in the slightest. "But while I surely am enjoying the view, it's time for us to make a move or we'll be riding back in the dark."

I rose slowly and put on my semi dry shorts as Jacob untied Samson and hauled me up in front of him. I didn't feel nearly so awkward this time and was comfortable when Jake's hand settled on my hip as we rode off.

"You know, you'll get the hang of riding sooner or later, your difficulties are all in the timing," he said. "Let's see if I can help you get the feel for it." I nodded in agreement, while I was comfortable leaning against Jake, I couldn't wait to be an independent horse woman.

"Sit up straighter for me, so that you're supporting yourself.; Make your back straighter and tip your hips forward a bit. That's it, put your hands forward, up towards his neck if you need to hold on. Now just feel Samson's rhythm and follow it." With that he nudged Samson into a faster pace and used his hand on my hip to help me move backwards and forwards in time to Samson's gait. A smile lit up my face as I began to get the hang of it. Jacob leaned closer to me so that his breath tickled my ear as he spoke. "Close your eyes and just feel it Bella," he whispered, his voice husky. His tone sent shivers down my spine, but I closed my eyes and gave in to the rhythm of the horse. It was exhilarating in an unexpected way. With each stride that Samson took, with each rock of my hips I felt my core rub against my shorts, which were damp now not only from the water but from my arousal. I was not so much riding the horse as I was grinding myself against it. I felt the pressure building fast and couldn't stop myself from leaning my head back and moaning.

"That's it Bella, just go with the flow. Feel the rhythm. Imagine the feel of skin against your skin . Feel the strength and power of the beast between your legs." That was it. I was done for and as Jacob leant in closer to trace his tongue over my ear, I came, silently, my thighs gripping the horses sides and my fingers wound in his mane. I felt like I was made of jelly as I relaxed back against Jacob who had slowed Samson to a walk as we neared the ranch.

"My you are a fiery one hot stuff. Doesn't take much to get you off!" Jake nuzzled my ear and my neck gently, helping me come back down to earth.

"What can I say, it's been a while. But you can't take credit for that, it was all Samson!" I laughed as I jumped energetically from his back, surprising myself by not falling on my ass from the dismount.

"I may have played my part," he said, smoothly and elegantly dismounting and standing directly in front of me. He took my hand and placed it on the front of his shorts, clearly outlining his very prominent erection. "But Samson can't take credit for that," his voice was low and he was looking at me closely gauging my reaction. I didn't move my hand. Jake's voice was softer and uncertain as he said "I'm not Jasper."

"And I'm not Alice," I replied. I stroked him twice through the tightly stretched fabric. "But I'm not ready for this." This time, it was my turn to walk away.


	9. Chapter 9 True Confessions

**Sorry for the long delay between updates. Have started a new job. More money (yay) but less time to write (boo). Here tis. Would love some reviews. Thanks to those who do so regularly.**

The week passed quickly and pleasantly, and before we knew it, we were facing our last night with just the three of us. The arrival of Emmett, Rosalie et al was imminent. The days had remained fine and warm, the nights were cooler. Not cold yet, but enough for you to appreciate the warmth of the fire. The seasons had not yet turned against us enough to force us indoors and as had been established early on, our days started together in the kitchen with the breakfast routine and ended with secret revelations around the fire before turning in to our separate beds.

My riding had improved and while no Olympic equestrian, I was now passably competent and permitted to ride on my own for short distances. I must admit that I much preferred doubling with Jake, and though Jasper had offered once or twice, I had so far managed to resist knowing full well where it would lead.

Our habit of revealing secrets around the fire had continued. Started by Jacob on our first night at the ranch, when he had revealed that he knew about 'the barn fiasco' as I had dubbed it in my head and supplemented with the admission that Jasper and Alice weren't all that they seemed. It appeared that Jacob was a consummate study in human behaviour and relationships. Nothing escaped his notice, no matter how small the gesture, and he unwittingly drew very perceptive conclusions about such events that turned out to be very close to the mark.

Snippets of our frank conversations kept running through my head on our last day together as we relaxed at the falls. We had allowed ourselves a day off. The ranch was in good shape thanks to our attentions and we would have more help on hand in the days to come for the bigger tasks. I was sunning myself on 'my' rock replaying the words in my head. As a result of the decreased animosity between Jasper and myself, and in celebration of the newer, braver Bella, Jacob had recommended that we conclude each evening by being completely honest with each other on a subject of his choice. We had agreed, underestimating Jacobs penchant for mischief and his ability for demanding and receiving the absolute truth.

The first night was the 'Status Update' conversation.

Jake: Well, tonight I'd like to know everyone's status. You know, relationship status. Where do we all stand with our significant others? Particularly you Jasper - did you manage to Skype with Alice today?

Jasper: What business is it of yours?

Jake: Now, now. You all agreed to have honest conversations and this is what I picked. Besides Jazzy, I had a little chat with Bells this afternoon and she knows what happened that night at First Beach. We're both worried about you.

Jasper had blushed and looked ashamed.

Bella: C'mon cowboy - out with it. This is a secret just between us. Whatever happens at the fire - stays at the fire!

Jasper continued to glare sullenly at the pair of us. So much for absolute honesty. I decided to get the ball rolling.

Bella: What can I say Jas? I know you've wanted her for, like, ever. I couldn't get over how certain you were that it would happen for you both. I'm really sorry that she freaked out like that. Do you think you can make it work?

His eyes softened a little and some of the tension went out of his jaw. Eventually he responded.

Jasper: Well Jake chose the right words to describe it. It's not what I expected. (He sighs deeply before continuing.) What can I say, I knew she was shy. It goes without saying that someone that shy is a virgin. But she pretty much freaks out if I try to touch her and she sure doesn't want to touch me. We're still trying though. We have feelings for each other, she just isn't ready for more than that. Relationship status ... hmmm, let's go with 'it's complicated."

Jacob: Your turn Bells - what's your status.

Bella: As if you didn't both know very well what my status is. I am free as a bird! Completely unattached. How would you put it in the classifieds? Maybe ... looking for fun, has some baggage?

Both the boys laughed.

Jasper: Quid Pro Quo Guru - what's your status? Have you and Leah made some sort of commitment yet?

Jacob: I'm not really the commitment sort. I've enjoyed the fun and games with Leah, but it turns out she has eyes for another ... And that's okay. We didn't have an emotional attachment to each other we just ... had sex. It's okay to have fun and to walk away when you're done if that's what you both agree on.

Jacob directed a rather pointed gaze in my direction.

Jasper: Wow, two singles and a confused. What a great group we make.

Bella: I'm sorry Jasper. I don't know what Alice's problem is. I'll try to talk to her, maybe she's just scared. Sex is a big deal for us girls, especially the first time.

Jasper: I can live without sex. (Queue the maniacal laughter from Jacob.) I just can't bear it that she can't touch me. I seem to disgust her. I don't know why I stay, but when she kisses me, or looks at me with that pixie face, well, it's enough for now. I'll take any little piece of her I can get.

I must have been out of my mind. I couldn't believe the next words had come out of my mouth. I had clearly manoeuvred tongue without first engaging brain and said the words aloud.

Bella: I know just how you feel.

And suddenly two sets of dark eyes bore through the night, staring at my very soul. My face dropped into my hands as if by not seeing them, I could take back those can of worms words. Having clearly revealed another secret, one that I had never even contemplated myself, I decided it was time to leave. "Well, I think, that's entirely enough revelations for one night. I am off to bed. Alone!" I had stressed the last word. As I left the fireside I could hear Jake exclaiming loudly to Jasper, "Well my friend, it seems you've worked her over in more ways than one. Maybe we should investigate that thought tomorrow night?"

"I think you'd better just leave that one alone Jake," Jasper replied. And then he too retired from that awkward evening.

The second night, well, you'd think we'd have learned from our mistakes the previous evening. But, no. We again let Jake lead us into his trap giving far more information than we had intended. Well, more than I had intended. It was a conversation the boys seemed to enjoy. The cool change in the weather prevailed again that evening and I had tried to use it as an excuse to retire early, fearing that Jake would bring up my admission of feelings toward Jasper and want to explore it further. Nothing doing. When I tried to make an escape, the boys simply kept finding diversions until I was seated comfortably (of body if not of mind) between Jake's legs, my back soaking in the warmth from his chest, my front basking in the heat of the open fire. I was a cosier spot than I cared to admit. I could feel Jake's quiet strength and smell his earthy scent, and yet I felt relaxed. I didn't need to fear that Jake meant more by this than I was prepared to accept. Jake leaned down and whispered in my ear that he wouldn't bring up my admission tonight, so relax. None of us were ready to go there yet.

So then, after being lulled into a false sense of security the second night of secret revelations began. The conversation for the evening should have been titled 'Educating Bella'. It didn't take long for me to realise how woefully inexperienced I really was.

Jacob: Well for our entertainment this evening, I have decided that we will tackle the elephant in the room. Ladies and Gentlemen let's talk about sex.

Jasper sputtered and spat out a mouth full of beer.

Jasper: Jesus man! Warn a guy before you come out with something like that!

I swallowed the large lump in my throat and then washed it down with a healthy mouthful of alcohol. I needed to be a whole heap drunker to have this conversation. My face looked like a strawberry and I wanted to crawl under the nearest rock.

Jacob: Well based on that reaction, I think we all need some 'think and drink' time to prepare ourselves. Jasper you go and fill that cooler with beverages. I'm gonna grab us some blankets. The air has gotten mighty chilly in more ways than one. Bella, you need to knock back a few more drinks for some synthetic courage I'm thinking. If you're not still here when we get back, then we know you're not willing to have this discussion. But remember, we're all friends here and we can keep each other's secrets. We already do.

I don't know why, but I stayed. I knocked back two beers in quick succession taking the edge off my anxiety and to spread a pleasant heat through my body. If I could just relax, I could get through this. Besides, the guys would do all the talking right? What would I have to contribute to the conversation?

Jacob: OK then ladies and gents. It's time to reconvene the second meeting of Saint Jude's lost causes, Wilderness fireside Chapter. Y'all ready for this?

We nodded, remaining silent.

Jacob: Alright Jazzy (OMG if looks could kill, Jacob's heart would have stopped dead in its tracks.) You can be the first cab off the rank tonight. Answer these prompts in order as honestly as you are able. Who was your first time, weirdest place you've ever done it, most memorable orgasm and the experience that got you the most riled up that you never got to finish. Go.

I thought Jasper might shy away from that, but he grinned, had another drink and began.

Jasper: First Time - Tanya Denali, 9th Grade in her basement. Weirdest place hmm, I think the hotel stairwell on the 11th grade ski trip. They had those self locking doors and once we were in there we were stuck in there and ended up sleeping the night on the concrete steps. Not quite the wham, bam, thank you ma'am I had in mind. Most memorable orgasm - god I don't know! The first one with a real live girl kind of blew my mind until she opened her mouth and ruined it. After that they're all pretty damn good.

He paused here and took another swallow of beer. He seemed to debate his next words.

Jacob: Come on Cowboy, you done good so far. Out with the rest.

Jasper let out a mighty whoosh of breath before continuing, staring straight at me.

Jasper: Well you asked for it. The one that got away, the one I couldn't bring myself to follow through on, the one I would have given my left nut to finish particularly since the aforementioned left ball was decidedly blue for several days afterward? No contest. Bella in the barn.

_What did he just say._

Jacob: Aaah, welcome to true confessions. Nicely done Jasper. Now Bella, sit yourself back down and be calm. You're listening right now not sharing. Ain't nothing to freak out over.

I was frozen solid. I had physically wanted Jasper that night more than anything else that has existed before or since and he had walked away. And now he says he wanted it too? What am I supposed to do with that?

Jacob: I think that, seeing the little lady here is a bit choked up at present, that I will share my details with you next.

Bella: I am so not ready for this. Why am I involved in this conversation?

Jasper: C'mon Scarlet, it took a lot of guts for me to admit that. We're all having a moment here together. Drink some more and relax. It's really a compliment you know.

Jacob walked over at that point and sat behind me again. Between his warmth and the blanket wrapped around me, I managed to thaw a little. He pulled me closer to his chest and whispered in my ear, "If you're really uncomfortable, you can go. But imagine how hard that was for him to say. Stay. Don't judge. Just relax and roll with it." He was right of course, but more alcohol was needed. I started my third beer. A definite no- no for a light weight like me.

Jasper: C'mon Jakey (Ooh retribution, I like it.) Your turn. Fess up.

Jacob: Ok then. First time - My cousin Sam's girlfriend in the 9th grade. She was a senior, thought I was cute and that she could teach me a thing or two about women. She was correct. Weirdest place - definitely on a pool table after the hall had closed for the night. She had a wicked case of carpet burn the next day. Most memorable orgasm, I need to think about that a bit... I'm with you Jasper, the first one with a real live girl, not your right hand does certainly burn into the memory. But there was this one time that Leah used her mouth on me. She was so into it and I was so hard when she used her tongue too I thought I could just cum forever ...

Bella: Yeah thanks Jake, we've got it. Move on ...

Jacob: Play nice Miss Bella. The devil's in the details you know. So what have I left out ...

Jasper: The million dollar question - who left you aching and incomplete?

Jacob: Same as you Jazz man. It's no contest. Bella in the barn.

_Are you fucking kidding me?_

I know I choked on my beer at this point, spluttering and spitting it everywhere, and oh, the look on Jasper's face. He was green from the tip of his ears to his chin, like someone had stolen his favourite toy.

Bella: Seriously guys - what's wrong with you both. Jasper, honestly, you're telling me to lighten up and you react like that! I've never done anything in the barn with Jacob! He saw us remember? And even if I had done something - you don't own me, that's my choice to make. Jacob what the hell! How could that get you all steamed up, you just walked in on something and stayed to listen. Are you that much of a pervert that you were turned on by that?

Jasper: (Laughing) You've got no idea do you Bells? What I saw that night , yes saw, not just heard, was so fucking hot, the image is burned in my brain forever. I saw him touching you. I didn't see much skin, but I knew where his mouth was and I knew where his fingers were. I heard every little whispery breath and every moan you made. I could smell how wet you were and fuck me, Bella, the look on your face when he made you cum ... I'll take that to the grave. You've got no idea how appealing you are to men Bella. I've never been harder in my life. I thought that if I moved my dick would snap in two.

I didn't know whether to be mortified or complimented. I knew he'd seen us, but thought it was just a glance. He'd really stayed to see the whole mess. I was angry that I had so many feelings and desires that were never fulfilled by the men in my life. My own experiences were lacking and lifeless and nothing to compare with this, and yet here it came across as if I was some goddess that would have men fawning at her feet.

Bella: I have no idea how attractive I am to men? I have no idea how attractive I am to men! Are you kidding me Jake? This must be some conspiracy that you and Jasper have cooked up between you. If I'm sooo attractive then why have I got nothing to share here? You want my details? Here are my details! A little insight into my sex life or stunning lack thereof. First time - Tyler, a few months ago. No one else was ever interested or hung around long enough. Weirdest place I've ever done it. Try to control your laughter here gents. I've only ever done it in one place. The ratty old sofa in Tyler's basement. No stairwells or pool tables, not ever even in a bed! Most memorable orgasm. What a joke. I have had precisely two orgasms in my long and illustrious career as a sex fiend. One in the barn and one on the back of a fucking horse! The one that got away? The one that makes me want more, to want a release, to want to chase after until I'm blown away ... EVERY ONE! I've never had an orgasm from sex. So deal with all that!

I paused frozen for moment in my anger and frustration, before slowly taking in the looks on Jacob and Jasper's faces. Thank god we agreed to keep each other's secrets. No-one would ever look at me again after that rant. I couldn't face them right now. Couldn't deal with the mixture of pity and incredulity that filled the air. I fled to the main house and didn't come out again that night, leaving the boys to sort out the bombshell I had just unleashed.

I spent a sleepless night due to alcohol and frustration and woke up again this morning on our last day together before the others arrived, wondering if I could face the day.


	10. Ch 9 - A bit extra

_**A little bit extra I churned out over the weekend to lead in to the next chapter. Just a taste to keep you going.**_

After Bella left, there was a pretty awkward silence around the fire. The boys stayed immersed in their own thoughts for a few moments, sipping at their beers as they heard Bella enter the main house, and then quickly turn off the lights, going to bed and leaving them to their silence.

"So, is that what you had planned Jake? To show her just how inexperienced she was?" Jasper voice was deceivingly calm. Only the hardness of his eyes indicating the blame he was sending Jacob's way.

"Hell no! I had no idea it was as bad as all that. I'd never have started the conversation if I'd thought it would make her that uncomfortable. Man, is it any wonder she went to ground after Tyler groped her in front of everyone! First you, then him. That's fucked up."

"Me? What do you mean me?"

Jacob looked over at Jasper with his mouth hanging open. "You really got no idea do you?" He was greeted with Jasper's blank stare. "For an experienced guy, you are really dumb. Haven't you heard anything she said in the last couple of days?" More staring. "Where do I start . . . I know you've been sneakin' around with her for a while now. I know because I saw the two of you together in the barn, but I suspected before that because I SAW the two of you together. You have shared something with her that no other guy has. YET. There was one night where the two of you went to get the pizza. When you came back, all soaking wet, she had that glow to her cheeks like something good at happened, but man, was she pissed. I couldn't work it out until that night in the barn. Well, the morning after to be exact." Jacob paused, thinking that at any moment now Jasper would respond. That he would finally admit to what was really going on underneath the few physical episodes that Jacob had described. He was mistaken. Jasper met his stare with stony eyes and silence.

"Do tell guru," Jasper muttered around a mouthful of beer. "You seem to have it all sorted out."

"Do I really need to put this together for you? So far, for her, sex means rejection. You get her all worked up every time you walk into her general vicinity. It's a wonder no-one else has notice the sparks flying. And then that night in the barn ... you could have had her anyway you pleased. She made it very clear that she wanted you. And you know damn well you wanted her too, but you still walked away, and then the next day, you're with Alice. I know you've had feelings for Alice for a long time dude, but that had to have hurt her. She got rejected, passed over, not good enough for you. Tyler didn't care enough to make it good for her, then he embarrassed the hell out of her in front of everyone and left. More rejection."

"Come on Jacob, you know that's not how I wanted it to go down. Alice, was ... bad timing, but it's always been Alice."

Well Jasper, maybe it was always Alice. And somehow, Bella knows that. She still talks to you, she's forgiven you, and hell she's even worried about you and Alice and how things are going. But last night when you said that you could live without sex, that just being with Alice was enough, were you listening?

"I heard her Jake. She said she understood."

"No Jas. That wasn't it. She said she knows how you feel. SHE KNOWS HOW YOU FEEL! She knows because she feels the same way. She's in love with you dammit!"

"And why are you so worked up over that Jake?"

Jacob stopped, taking inventory of the feelings coursing through him at that moment.  
Why was he so worked up. He hadn't really researched that thought too carefully.

"Look Jasper. I'm not in love with her if that's what you're thinking. But I'm not going to hurt her either. If she wants anything from me - she can have it. Anything from a barn yard special to a full on relationship. If I can put that look on her face cos she's cumming, even just once it's worth it. But you need to step back and let her make that decision for herself. Hell, you need to let her know that any decision she does make for herself is okay with you because you're out of the picture. Unless, you don't want to be out of the picture. And if that's the case, then sort out your shit with Alice and get to it. The girl can't wait forever."

"Jake ... I, I don't ... I can't be with her. I'm not what she needs ..."

"Jasper, I don't want to hear it. That is for you and her to decide and I don't need to add that to the list of things I shouldn't know. All I'm saying is, you're either with her, or you're with Alice and you need to make that choice and let Bella make her choices too. I'm not here to judge either of you, and if you decide to keep sneaking around, I won't interfere, in fact I'll even promise not to watch ... but don't let something go because you're afraid of it. Bella isn't Alice."

"In more ways than you can ever imagine ..."

They didn't speak again that night.


	11. Chapter 10 - One Day at a Time

**Thank you followers for waiting patiently for an update. Time escapes me at the moment. I am still plugging away though and the next chapter is already underway. Thanks to Arabella Whitlock for casting her eyes over this for me. Also thanks to those who regularly review. Reviews are like gold and it's nice to know that someone is reading this. Any comment is welcome no matter how small. Read on!**

It felt like I had tossed and turned for hours with no relief. I knew I must have slept at some point - how else could I have become conscious of waking up if I had never slept? But the little bit of sleep that had not eluded me, had done nothing to make me feel rested. I felt as if I was preparing for battle, each nerve as tightly wound as a bow string. Each thought and fear was exposed and after last night, I felt those two boys knew (or assumed) entirely too much about parts of my life I would much rather have kept private. I had no -one to blame but myself. I had agreed to take part in the conversation and no-one had forced me into the violent bout of verbal diarrhoea I had suffered that ended the evening's festivities. But how could I face them today, knowing I was such a novice. No virgin, but having learned nothing in my short foray into sexual activity. While I knew the boys were more experienced than me, I had no idea about some of the antics they had gotten up to. And then of course, there was the very disturbing fact that, I had had two orgasms in my entire life. Jasper caused one of them, and Jacob had apparently been present for both. I couldn't quite wrap my head around that. Between the two of them they knew all my dirty secrets. How would I face them? I guess I could go downstairs and pretend it had never happened, or I could stay up here and hide until tomorrow when Emmett and the gang were supposed to arrive. A day in bed sounded appealing...

It wasn't to be. While I lay there contemplating my options for the day, the sound of footsteps grew heavy on the landing outside my room. I groaned and buried my head in the pillows seeking a reprieve from the embarrassment that would surely enter on those footsteps. "I come bearing gifts," said Jake, who indeed had the best of all morning gifts, coffee, in his hands. He knocked gently on the door as he announced himself, but sensibly did not wait for a response before entering.

"Just leave the coffee on the nightstand and be about your business Jake, I don't think I will grace you with my presence today," I said, voice still muffled by the pillow.

"I thought you might be feeling like that," said Jake, who clearly couldn't follow instructions. He had put the coffee on the nightstand on his side of the bed which would necessitate both my coming out from under the pillow and my leaning over his now leisurely form dwarfing my bed if I was to reach the bounty of a morning coffee. As for going about his business, I knew I would have no luck with that.

Jake pried the pillow away from my face and threw it towards the end of the bed. "You're not seriously going to hide out here all day are you? It's the last day to just be the three of us, whatever that is, before the others rock up. Our work is done, the sun is out, the fridge is stocked and unless you're planning on inviting both of us to come and spend the day with you in this bed, you'd better get your shit together."

"Jake I can't ... I don't want to see either of you again ever after last night. I am not leaving this room today, and don't think that's an invitation for the two of you to make yourselves at home in here!"

"Look at me Bells," his tone was gentle, yet commanding. An alpha male if ever one existed. "I know the sex thing hasn't been quite what you wanted it to be, but don't be embarrassed about it. I would never have tried to get you to talk about it last night if I had thought it would make you so uncomfortable. I had no idea things were that bad." His hand crept over towards me and softly brushed my hair off my forehead, his fingers trailing down over my ear sending shivers down my spine before cupping my cheek. I couldn't help but lean in to it, he felt warm and safe. "Look Honey, while I'd love to stay in this bed with you all day, let me say two things. One: Jasper and I have been lucky. Our sex lives have been very healthy and we've gotten what we wanted, for the most part. You haven't yet, but you will. That's nothing to get your panties in a bunch about. We all know stuff about each other and we deal with it every day, just add last night to the list and move on. Neither of us are judging you or thinking less of you. Two: Should you ever decide that you know what you want, or might like some help in seeing what there is to want, either of us would jump at the chance to teach you."

"Well, that's not entirely true is it?" I couldn't help sarcastic Bella from bubbling to the surface.

Jake looked as if he were about to argue with me and then thought better of it. "Well, as long as we're being totally honest, then I guess I can't speak for Jasper. I think he's a bit confused about you and a whole bunch of other thing truth be told. Let's just say he's been willing to experiment with you in the past and see what happens with that."

I had a million witty, self-deprecating comebacks racing their way to my tongue, but in the end, only one thought dominated. "Jake?"

"Yeah Bells?"

"My coffee's getting cold ..."

He laughed, his chest heaving from the effort, those beautiful muscles flexing beneath his skin. "That's my girl." He leapt off the bed and started out of my room, turning at the door to let me know that between the boys the day was planned. He was off to saddle up Samson and Delilah and we were heading over to the falls. I had best get my butt in to gear or they would leave me behind.

I had showered and dressed and was literally pacing the floorboards working up the nerve to just step out of the doorway and face the day, when a second knock interrupted my pondering. This time it was Jasper, and clearly he had something to say as well.

"Morning Scarlet"

"Let me guess Jasper, you're here to give me a pep talk too. I know, I know, my sex life is nothing to be ashamed of, the two of you won't judge me, it's just another secret we all share and the pair of you are available for private tuition if I should so desire. Does that about cover it?"

The tension was broken and Jasper chuckled, a weight lifted from his shoulders. "I see the mighty guru has visited before me. Yeah, that pretty much covers it." He did however, turn serious for a moment, clearly struggling with choosing his next words. "Scarlet, I talked with Jake last night after you ... well, just, after ... I gotta say, I'm really sorry. I didn't know what I'd done to you really. It was just good fun and I thought you understood that and then Alice ... and well, shit! I'm seriously messing this up Bella, but, what I'm really trying to say is that it was never my intention to hurt you and well, is it true? Do you have feelings for me?"

Deep breaths, deep breaths. "Jasper, can we get through today? Can well all just go out and have a great day, and be ourselves and not invite that trouble in today? I'm not ready to talk about it, and I don't think you're ready to hear what I have to say."

Serious Jasper was gone. "You're probably right. It's not the time. Get your butt down stairs cowgirl, it's time to saddle up." Catastrophe averted. For now ...

Feeling somewhat more at ease, I finished preparing for the day and went out to the yard. A day of subtle choices awaited me, only I hadn't worked that out yet. It's only now, looking back that I understand how things turned out the way they did. The foundation for what came after was laid that day, and slowly built through the following years. Circumstances and the enormous changes in the world contributed to what we became, but I can see now that it had really been there all along. When I walked into the yard I was greeted with two men, both mounted bareback on a horse, smiling down at me. Choice number one - who did I ride with that day? At least this was an easy decision to make. I walked over and clambered up next to Jake. We had ridden together a few times over the week we had been here and I was by far more physically at ease with him than with Jasper at this point. Jasper couldn't hide his disappointment, but took it in his stride and we headed out at an easy pace.

It was nice in Jake's arms. I could get used to it here. He never pushed for more, or took more than was offered. And though I thought it could be fun to play the vixen, I didn't enjoy the hurt that was plain on Jasper's face each time I snuggled up to Jake, or chose the option that involved him. By lunch time I was beginning to feel as if I was being torn down the middle, trying always to be fair to each of them and divide my time and affections equally. It was suffocating, stressful and not in the least enjoyable. I had walked away from them, climbing a tree in search of some solitude. With the beautiful view before me, and no chance of company I quickly descended into my thoughts. What right did they have to try and command my attention to one over the other of them? I wasn't out here looking for a relationship, just having a day with friends. With BOTH of my friends. There was no more to it than that. I decided to ease up on myself a little. I would do whatever came naturally. make whatever choice seemed right at the time. I would let myself get a little experience if the opportunity arose, but I would not be choosing today. They would just have to live with it. Swinging down from the branches in my usual clumsy fashion, I landed untidily on my butt and was still trying to either rub some feeling into the numb bits, or rub the hurt out of the stinging bits when I arrived back at the falls and back to the two men competing for my affections.

"Something I can help you with Bells?" enquired Jake, ever the smart alec.

"You know me, just bruised my pride again." Still rubbing, not getting any better.

"Oooh, Come on Miss Scarlet. We'll take turns. Let us share. Nothing wrong with a little butt rubbing between friends."

"Sharing, now there's a completely novel idea. Didn't think you two would consider 'sharing' with the looks you've been giving each other today!" Holy shit, that actually just came out of my mouth didn't it? That was seriously supposed to be just in my head. Time to escape! Blushing from the roots of my hair to the ends of my painted purple toenails I quickly turned from Jake and Jazz, pulling my t-shirt over my head and dropping my shorts where I stood revealing a figure hugging black bikini and dove into the cool concealing water. I swam as far away from them as the water reached, eventually ducking under the stream of water that came down from the rocks above into the secluded alcove behind the water. I could still hear them but at least they couldn't see me dying of shame in here.

"I told you man,' Jake started. "You got to stop looking so wounded every time she comes near me. You haven't got any claim to her just now, lighten up a bit."

"I know, I know. I'm acting like a princess. I didn't realize how much I wanted her until I saw her with you. I know you're both just messing around, but I want to be the one messing around with her. I never really considered that I stood a chance ..."

"I've only got one word for you Jasper ..." Jake's voice was fatherly, caring yet stern and I couldn't help but wonder what he had to say.

"Alice."

There was another splash then and I knew that one of them had decided to come after me, that my time to wallow was done and answers would be expected. I slipped back into the water, holding on to the rocky ledge, but facing away from whoever this invader of solitude turned out to be. Perhaps the answers would be easier if I didn't actually have to look at them. The swimming strokes slowed as they drew near and I was quickly enveloped in human warmth as Jake's feet tangled with mine beneath the water and his arms surrounded me, holding the rocky ledge to keep afloat with one and drawing me closer with the other.

Still sporting his 'Father knows best' tone Jake opened fire. "You Miss, have to learn not to run away every time you open your mouth! Have you not learned by now that it doesn't matter what you say - neither of us cares. You seriously have to stop bailing on us whenever the conversation gets interesting. We can't explore the deepest, darkest recess of our minds, if you aren't there to hold up your end of things."

"I know, I know ... I just keep having these bizarre thoughts and before I have any control over them, they're out of my mouth. I just keep dropping bombshells on you both and I'm not sure I want to see the wreckage." I breathed out heavily. It was always so much easier talking to Jake than I thought it would be. I relaxed against him, enjoying the feeling of his skin against mine, mixed with the sensual swirling of the water. I felt his breath tickling my ear as he began again.

"Don't you get it Bells? If it's control you're after, you have to realise that the power is all yours. We're putty in your hands. We both want you, isn't it obvious? You could have whichever of us you choose."

This time it was more than a phantom breath, his lips connected lightly with the skin behind my ear, making a burning path down my neck before tracing my ear with his tongue. I felt as if I couldn't breathe. Despite the coolness of the water there was a raging inferno between my legs. It felt good, and I wanted to feel good, it had been too long. But my brain had other ideas as it usually does. It sent my thoughts out to do battle again without first consulting reason. "What if I don't want to choose?" I whispered.

"Fuck Bella! I always knew there was something incredibly sexy in there just waiting to get out ..." He turned me to face him, his eyes unreadable. This was the sort of wreckage I didn't want to look at. I started to squirm and move away from him. "No running this time." His voice was low and deadly. "Look at me." It took all the strength I had to turn my face his way and look into those eyes. "I've been trying to make you see for a while, so now I'm gonna spell it out for you. You can have whatever you want. If you don't want to choose, don't. Be in charge Bella, take what you want and stop waiting for it to come to you." I stared into those eyes for what seemed an eternity. I could still feel the warmth of his skin, the lines his tongue had traced down my ear and I wanted him. I thought he would kiss me then, we were both breathing shallowly only inches apart. Just as I closed my eyes and leaned in he pulled away, leaving me undeniably empty and longing.

"If you want it Bella, you got to be the one to take it." And he swam away. Just like that. Leaving me for once not embarrassed or rejected, but aching and determined. I wasn't sure how, or with who, but I was going to have to ease that ache before long.


	12. Chapter 11 Friends Will be Friends

_**Here we go - another Chapter hot off the press. Before we start I wanted to say that I have just read Because of a Scar by abbymickey24 and noticed that her Bella was referred to as Scarlet as well. Just wanted to state that no copying was intended. My real life Jasper has called me Scarlet since I was 14 as I too blush easily. If you get a chance, check out her story.**_

I must have dozed off. We all must have. It had been that kind of relaxing slow afternoon. There was no need to get back to the ranch and do chores, no-one waiting for us back home and no need to rush anywhere. When Jacob had left me wanting behind the falls, he had clearly gone straight back to Jasper to report that I wasn't ready to make a choice. I hope he remembered to fill Jasper in on the fact that he had virtually okayed that, saying I could have whatever I wanted. But what did I want?

I had stayed in hiding for a while, listening to them chat without really hearing all the words. Only when they had gone quiet did I venture out. They had found 'my' rock. The warmth of the sun and the calm nature of our surroundings had lulled them into serenity. For the first time I allowed myself to just look at them both. There were many similarities. They were both tall and lean. I often felt like a child standing between them, yet very much enjoyed the feeling that they could surround me physically with their presence. They were both muscled but in different ways. Jasper had the lean, defined stringiness of a sportsman, while Jacob's muscles had the bulk and definition of someone who worked hard. They were both tanned. Jasper somewhat paler than Jacob, his a natural bronzing from seasonal exposure to the sun, whereas Jake's ruddy colouring spoke of his deep connection to the earth and the time he spent in nature. One fair, one dark and apparently both mine if I was brave enough to act. But was I? And what would I act on?

I skimmed through the water, not ashamed to have been caught staring openly at them. They both moved apart slightly, making room for me in the sun. I took my place between them gratefully, enjoying the warmth that shone down on me drying my skin. I lay there happily and let my mind wander. Perhaps it wasn't as cut and dried as making a choice between them. If I tried to look logically and clearly at the situation, several points came to my attention. Jasper was still with Alice. They didn't know quite where they stood with each other, but having not officially broken up, that meant they were still officially together. I had recognized some time ago that I had feelings for Jasper, but they had been buried with the onset of his relationship with Alice. Now was not the time to dig them out. It wasn't a matter of choosing between Jake and Jasper, Jasper simply wasn't available, no matter what my feelings were.

I don't remember at what point I fell asleep, but I do recall waking to the cool kiss of breeze on my exposed skin. At some point I had subconsciously huddled in toward Jacob seeking warmth, and both the boys had turned inward toward me in a similar fashion. Jasper was spooning me, his arm gently draped over my hip, his breathing still steady and regular in sleep. Jacob was facing me, our legs intertwined, his face only inches from my own. As my eyes cleared and reality settled in I smiled to myself. It may have been mighty uncomfortable sleeping in wet swim gear on a rock, but it was a heavenly way to wake up, sandwiched between my two favourite people in the world. Jake's finger reached over, tracing the outline of my face and tucking strands of my hair behind my ear.

"What are you grinning about Bells?"

"I was just thinking, that although I'm a bit chilly now, this is really a nice way to wake up."

"Well I for one, have definitely woken up in less comfortable places, and without the stunning scenery," he whispered, leaning over and gently brushing his lips to mine.

"I'll keep you warm Scarlet," piped up a possessive Jasper, drawing me further in to his arms and slightly away from Jake. Clearly the rivalry was still alive and well.

"Well as much as I'd love to lie here and have you both squabble over me, I think it's time to head back. It's getting cooler, and if we don't head back we'll be riding horses in the dark."

I prised myself from Jasper's grip, accepting Jake's hand up and began putting on what little clothing I had brought with me, and helped Jasper to round up the rest of our belongings while Jake readied Samson and Delilah for the ride back. When it came time to mount up, I again felt the pressure of two expectant faces gazing at me. I had ridden here with Jake, so it was only fair I ride home with Jasper, right? Besides, it had been a long time since I had been comfortable with him, I missed having his arms around me no matter how platonically and I found that I wasn't quite ready to give up that waking moment with him yet. So it was Delilah's bridle that I grabbed and led her over to a rocky outcropping in order to help me out. Unlike his counterpart, there was no sulky face or petulant attitude from Jake. He simply grinned, clucked at Samson and headed down the path before us.

The ride home was peaceful. It was nice being so close to Jasper again. I leaned back into him resting my back against his strong chest. He turned his face in to nuzzle my neck, whispering in my ear, "I've missed you Scarlet."

"I've been right here all along Jazz. Sometimes you can't see what's right in front of you."

"I'm beginning to understand that," came the reply.

As we rode on, I was reminded of my last ride back from the falls, and the direct result of Jacob's instructions. It was hard to ignore the movement of the warm beast between my thighs and I longed to create some friction there. When Jasper moved his hand down my stomach, I thought he would touch me. In the past he had played my body like a musical instrument made to do his bidding, but his hand stopped shy of the mark and his fingers splayed against the skin of my stomach. I could feel the tension building, feel the internal struggle going on in Jasper's mind, and all I wanted was to be touched. For him to reach down and stroke me, fuelling the fire burning between my legs. Before any resolution could be reached, we drew in sight of the ranch and Jacob's knowing grin. Jasper leapt off the horse and reached up to lift me down, dragging my aching body down his in the process. His mind may have been in doubt, but his body held no such compunction. I could feel how hard he was and knew that he was struggling with the same lust as me. Despite the overwhelming desire to rub myself shamelessly against the bulge in his pants, I stepped back, allowing him to collect himself before Jake could start making his pointed remarks.

"I'm going to head up and shower before I make dinner, are you two okay to look after the horses?"

"I'll take care of it Bella," agreed Jasper. He was probably glad of some alone time to get his hard on under control. "You go and build up the fire Jake and we'll all meet back up at dinner time."

As Jake and I headed back towards the homestead, leaving Jasper to his own devices I felt the weight of Jake's gaze heavy on my shoulders. When I turned to look at him he was again wearing that evil, guru, know it all grin. "What's up Bells? Wasn't it as _satisfying _riding back with Jasper?" he dripped sarcasm.

"You're such a hound Jake. It's not all about sex. It's okay to just enjoy his company you know!"

"Bella, you could cut the tension between you with a knife, he was more than just a little _excited _to have you so close to him, and you've got that flushed face that means you're wanting. You wanted him to touch you didn't you?"

"Honestly Jake, I don't know what I want right now, although it probably does involve someone touching something. I'm going to shower and dress and mentally prepare myself for the round of soul baring questions you no doubt have in mind for tonight." I turned and walked away, only to hear Jake laughing maniacally behind me.

"Oh just you wait Bella - I've saved the best til last!"

And so we found ourselves again around the fire, ready to open up to Jake's questions. I had gone easy on the alcohol, not wanting to wake up more sorry than necessary in the morning. There would no doubt be something that happened this evening that I would regret in the cold hard light of day. I didn't need regrets and a headache. I had made a firm resolution that I would toughen up tonight. That I would stoically face up to any questions Jake asked and not be so embarrassed that I would need to flee. I had been shocked at the things he asked last night, mortified at my lack of experience, and yet today had been a really good day. The boys were the same as they had always been, and I had started to believe they meant it when they said that nothing between us would change with the revealing of secrets. I could only begin to imagine what Jake had in store for us tonight.

The night air was cold, but we were prepared this time. We all had blankets and had dressed in warmer clothing. The sunny days were behind us now and the wetter season would soon be upon us. Jacob stood, moving closer to the fire before turning towards us. He looked ponderously in our direction as if gravely weighing his thoughts.

"Well, come on man, out with it. It can't be worse than what you got us to admit to last night!" laughed Jasper.

"Not worse per se ... But perhaps more personal."

"MORE personal!" I agonized. " Last night you had us sharing all our private experiences or lack thereof. What could be more personal than that?"

"Well tonight sweet Bella, I want to know all your darkest desires. This has nothing to do with experience. Tonight I want to know what you would want to do if you were given the opportunity. With no judgement and no refusals, what would you want to do to someone, or have them do to you?" The look in Jacob's eyes was positively evil. Some demon had taken up residence inside him tonight. "I know that this goes without saying, but I'm going to remind you both, that anything you say by the fire, stays by the fire. We three members of the Saint Jude's Lost Causes Society Wilderness Chapter are bound together in secrecy, protecting each other from the judgement of others and never passing judgement ourselves." Who knew he could sound so official?

Regardless of my earlier resolution to participate in tonight's discussion, now that I knew the topic I was hesitant. I was also red from tip to toe. What exactly did they think I would share here?

"As I went first last night, I believe that its only right and fair that someone else should start tonight. Bella, would you like to enlighten us as to your darkest desires?"

And now my complexion turns from pink to white as all the color drains from my face. "Look guys, honestly, I'm not trying to get out of this or anything, but, umm, I need some time to think about this. I will share, but, I just don't know what to say right at this moment." _Please guys, have a little patience. I'm just not ready for this ..._

"It's okay Scarlet. I think that's a fair call Jake. She's not opting out, just coming to terms with your question. I like the topic you've picked tonight - I'll go first."

"I will allow this," says pious Jake.

"OK. What would I like to do to someone? Short answer everything. And I mean everything. I want to get someone completely relaxed and trusting me and explore every inch of her body. I want to touch and taste her everywhere. And I want to look at everything while I'm doing it. None of this lovey dovey closed eye crap. I want to see every second as some part of me plunges in to some part of her. What would I like her to do to me? Pretty much the same. I want her to do everything. To taste and touch every part of me. For her to be in complete control and just use me to get what she needs."

"And when you say everywhere ...?" Jake queried.

"I mean everywhere. I've got no hang ups about body parts. I want to know every inch of skin and know that I can touch her wherever I want."

"Wow Jasper, that would open up a whole heap of possibilities. Nice one!" Jake's tone was admiring, of both the idea and the honesty.

"Umm so you mean ...er."

"Yes Scarlet, that's exactly what I mean. No judgement remember?" He cut me off quickly. I hadn't meant to be judgemental. My naiveté had run away with my mouth. I had never considered anyone touching me in other than the obvious places. Why would anyone want to? Clearly it was something that had been considered by my male counterparts.

"I wasn't judging Jazz, honest. It's a new idea to me. I hadn't considered anything like that."

"Just remember darlin', when it comes to feeling good, you are only limited by your imagination." I had begun to consider that my imagination as well as my experience was the thing that had been limited.

"Your turn Jake, see if you can turn those wide eyes away from me for a minute."

"I'm kind of liking those wide eyes just now. I wonder if they will go any wider when she hears what I have to say? I'm going to start with what I like being done to me. I enjoy using my mouth on a woman and I really appreciate it when she returns the favour. I find it extremely hot to look down into a girls eyes while she's got her lips wrapped around me. I can understand where you're coming from Jas when you say you like to watch yourself plunging in and out. Biggest turn on ever. And as for what I like to do, well, I've never even admitted this to myself before tonight. I know I keep going back to the barn incident, but it's stuck in my head. I've never seen anything hotter. It bought out something in me that I didn't even know was there. What do I like to do? Well - I guess I like to watch."

Apparently my eyes could open wider - who'd have thought. I was starting to regret the decision not to drink to excess, I could do with some calming effect right now. Toughen up Bella! It took a lot for Jake to admit that, it shouldn't be hard to hear it. Now if I could just get the images out of my head that were playing in there right now. Jasper touching me all over and Jake watching and encouraging. I shook my head to try and clear it.

"Earth to Bells, is there anybody home? Come on back to us honey ..."

Oops, was I stuck in my thoughts that long? "Oh sorry guys, just sort of opted out there for a minute."

"From the look on your face there were some pretty tasty thoughts going on there!" Jasper was highly amused, but Jake was hesitant, waiting for me to pass an opinion. I knew it was time for me to act, to get up and reveal all my secrets as they had. But what on earth could I say?

I slowly rose from my nest of blankets and walked toward the fire, hoping the flames would warm the parts of me that had turned to ice with dread. I stopped briefly before each of the boys and kissed them gently on the cheek.

"Thank you for sharing that with me. It can't have been easy for either of you to say any of that. I know we call them our darkest desires because we think that they will stay hidden. I know it took guts to say those things. All I can say now is that I hope you will take what I have to offer for what it is. I'll be honest, but I don't have much to contribute given my well discussed lack of experience. The more I listen to you two, the more I feel like I'm all but a virgin. So here goes. Let me put it in perspective for you. My exploits to date have been a couple of quick shags on the couch in Tyler's basement. I wasn't allowed to look, or touch or even change position, just lie there on my back and think of something else. And then, anytime you get to close to me Jasper, or now thanks to Jake when I'm riding, I feel this fire down there between my legs and in the pit of my stomach and I don't know what to do with that. So to answer the questions - what do I want to do? Anything. Everything. I don't know. I guess I want to learn. I want to touch a man, I want to feel him get hard and know that it was me that made it happen. I want him to want me. It's not as explicit an explanation as yours was, but it's an honest one."

"You're doing so well sweetheart, take a breath. We're listening to you and loving your words. " Reassurance from Jasper, sweet as always.

"What do you want us to do to you Bella?" Jakes voice was rough with desire and it was only after many days of playing back this conversation in my head that I realised what he had actually said. What do you want us to do - not what do you want to have done to you.

"I ... I want ..." I felt like I would explode. How would I say it?

"You can do this Bells. Just tell us what you want, it can't be all that bad." Both of them were grinning at me, enjoying my awkwardness.

"OK, umm ... Jake, that day on the horse ... It really turned me on feeling you behind me like that. And Jasper, today riding back with your hand on my stomach ... I just wanted more than anything for you to reach down and touch me. I think ... I ...," a pause here and a giant inhalation of breath before continuing, the words rushing out of my mouth for fear of being stopped. "I want to be exposed like that. To be naked, and feel someone behind me, touching me. Fucking me, not some soft romantic notion of sex."

Silence.

I stared at the dirt beneath my feet, wishing it would open up and swallow me whole rather than having to look up and meet those two sets of eyes boring into my soul.

When I finally raised my head and returned to my normal breathing patterns, the two boys were on their feet. They looked at each other, seeming to communicate silently. I feared I had said too much and that I had spoiled our friendship, until Jacob stepped forward. He drew me into his arms and holding me tightly said, "Well done. You managed to say an embarrassing thing and not run away. I'm proud of you. Relax now. I've had enough true confessions for one evening. I'm off to bed. When you come to terms with it all, we'll talk about it. But that's enough for tonight." He kissed my lips gently and wandered off, leaving me alone to face Jasper. His breathing had not returned to normal.

As I turned toward him, wondering what he would say pulled me into a bone crushing embrace. He too kissed me, but without the gentleness that Jake had shown. It was a moment of pure passion. Lips and teeth and tongues battling for dominance. It was how I had always wanted him to be with me. Not scared I would break, but just taking what he wanted. I could feel the bulge in his jeans pushing against me and I rocked my hips against him wanting to feel more.

"Oh Scarlet. I want to do all those things to you. I want to touch you everywhere. I want to make you cum again and again. I'll take you from behind and show you so many other ways to fuck. Please Scarlet, tell me how you feel and I'll do anything you want."

_Seriously! I'm still Scarlet? I've bared my innermost desires to him and he still thinks of me as Scarlet. He only calls me that when he's messing with me._

"Ungh... Jasper ... You know I want you too ..."

"Tell me how you feel Scarlet. I need to hear you say it."

I stopped my heated grinding against him then. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. I took his face in my hands, trying to calm him. I looked him straight in the eye before I spoke. "I'm not going to say it Jasper. You know how I feel, but once I say it, it's out there and I can never take it back, and neither you nor I am ready to deal with that now. I can't say it to you, and I know you don't feel that way for me."

"So you're choosing Jake?"

"I'm not choosing anyone! You're not available to be chosen - remember Alice? Maybe you should sort that out before we continue this argument! Right now I want you Jasper, but I'm not going to be with you again like that. You know how I feel and someday you'll be ready to deal with that one way or another. But today is not that day." I kissed his forehead and walked away, leaving him there by the fire, his shoulders sagging. It hurt me to hurt him, but it was for the best.

Sleep did not come easily again. In fact, it did not come at all. 2am found me gazing out the window, watching the electrical storm in the distance and wishing for relief from the humidity in the room and the unresolved longing in my belly.

At 2.30 am, when Jacob entered my room on silent feet, when he pressed his chest to my back and lifted my hair to leave a trail of spidery kisses down my neck, when his hand grazed over my hips to reach down and cup the heat between my legs, I did not turn him away.

"I see you Bella. And I want what I see."

I wanted him too and so I let him take me. And it was sweet and good and better than it had any right to be.

_**OK I know that one or two of you out there will be hating on me just now as you are not fans of Jacob, but this is my story to tell. Please enjoy it for what it is. **_

_**Also, if you think you have been short changed of a juicy lemon - it's all in the next chapter. Stay tuned. xxx**_


	13. Chapter 12 Do you Trust Me?

**Hello faithful readers. I was in such a hurry to get this chapter out that I didn't even send it to my beta. Sorry Arabella Whitlock! All the mistakes are mine. The characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. Hope the earth moves for ya!**

"I see you Bella, and I want what I see."

And he did see me. He had seen me embarrassed, blushing from shame, guilt and innocence. He had seen me in the throes of passion, albeit with another. He had seen that I had feelings for Jasper before I had acknowledged them myself. And he had seen that with trust and confidence, I would want to learn more, without seeking a relationship. He had seen all that and he still wanted _me._

And me? Well, I wanted. I ached. I felt like I would drown in the tension, the pull in my belly and the wetness between my legs felt as if they would bring me to my knees. And Jake saw that too.

His kisses changed from butterfly wings against the back of my neck to grazing teeth, not biting, but a rougher tasting of my skin. My breath drew in sharply and I was lost for words. I couldn't make enough brain cells fire together to return consciousness to my speech centre, it had migrated decidedly further south and was not coming back anytime soon. I wanted more, I ached harder if that were possible, and I couldn't express what I wanted and I didn't know how to make it happen. Jake's hand left his grip on my hair and travelled down, cupping my breast, skimming over my stomach and hips before it reached between my legs and using this sensitive area for purchase pulled me back against him, my back flush with his chest, his mouth to my ear.

"Honey, I know you're hurting now because you want it so bad, and I know what you said you wanted at the fireside tonight, but no matter how much I love a good fuck, my first time with you ain't going to be like that."

The breath I didn't know I was holding left my body in a disappointed gust. The incredible tension in my body evacuated rapidly leaving me like a rag doll, boneless and quiet. I felt the tears prick my eyes at the thought of being rejected again. Jake saw all of this.

"That's not what I meant Bella. Turn around."

I turned toward him, but kept my eyes to the floor. I'd be damned before I'd let him see how close to tears I was. But Jake always knew better. His hand brushed my cheek, then tilted my chin, forcing my eyes to meet his. He leaned in for a very soft slow kiss. "Bella, I'm not saying (kiss) I don't want you (kiss) and I'm not saying (kiss) that I won't have you tonight (kiss). But as much as I would like to fuck you until you can't walk tomorrow, (kiss) that is not how I want my first time with you to be. (kiss). Stop jumping to conclusions." More soft slow kisses, each time he drew away, I chased him, not wanting that contact to stop. I would never have thought him capable of being so tender. He always seems to be leather and spice and earth and honest sweat, not silk and feathers and hearts and flowers. "Do you trust me Bella?" I can only nod, not trusting my voice, not wanting to break this moment. "Then let me lead. You only need to follow."

My grandmother was somewhat of a healer in her day and I learned many things at her knee. She always used a particular turn of phrase when talking about a pregnancy. It wasn't for certain that a pregnancy would grow to fruition, until the baby 'quickened'. A term she used for the electricity and bond formed between mother and baby when first the baby moves. I had never known exactly what she meant having never been pregnant myself and not having spent any time with pregnant women. Tonight I decided that word had a different connotation while still referring to electricity and new bonds between people.

Jacob continued to kiss me slowly, sensually. All exploration and discovery. I pulled him closer trying to taste and capture him in my moment. His tongue reached out tentatively, following my lip, teasing out my own tongue until the two met. And then the kiss changed into something more. Hungrier and insistent. Jacob was pushing his lips against mine, his tongue was demanding instead of questioning. I opened my eyes to find him staring back at me and in that moment I felt it. The quickening. In the space of a single heart beat everything changed. Suddenly I knew he was feeling what I was feeling, that he wanted and ached like me. It was a point of no return. Neither of us would walk away from this now.

As our kisses became more and more heated, my hands became bolder. I reached under Jacob's shirt, feeling him shiver as my fingertips fluttered over the firmness of his muscled chest. His skin was satiny smooth but boasted an iron hardness below the surface. I longed to feel his heat burning into me, the combination of skin upon skin. It felt so good that I was brave, confident. I let my fingers continue to wander, travelling down and down that washboard stomach to cup between his legs. His size surprised me. It was noticeably longer and thicker than anything I had previously experienced and I had serious doubts that it would fit inside me. Jacob instantly sensed the change in my mood, the reversion to shyness and the mental drawing away from his kisses faced with the reality of the weapon he was wielding. Jacob drew my hand away from his erection and holding it tenderly in his, turned my palm upward, kissing it. "Do you trust me Bella?" he asked.

"Jake," I stammered, "I ... um, it's ..."

He interrupted my stutter with a searing kiss, bringing my face to his, forcing my mouth open before sliding his tongue against mine. Unrelenting he allowed my mouth an escape to breathe while continuing the assault against my neck, ears and collar bone. My heart sped up again and I felt that willingness to completely give over to sensation return. He fisted my hair in his hand, turning me again to meet his eyes. "Do you trust me Bella?" he asked again.

"Yes." Half a whisper, half a sob, but all I could manage.

He undressed me then, raising my arms above my head to pull of my shirt, leaving me topless, my nipples hardening at the touch of cool air and exposure. He brought his mouth to my breast, teasing the nipple with his fingers first before suckling it like a dying man in a desert. His practiced fingers sought out the other nipple, twisting and pulling gently before it too was as distended as its mate. Each sensation drew a road map with my veins. I felt he must be able to clearly see the nerves shooting from the tips of my breasts to a very distinct point between my legs. The ache of longing had never been stronger, the want never this bad before. As I struggled to stand I felt Jake releasing my breast from his mouth and drop to his knees before me. He wrapped his arms around my waist, steadying me. His burning eyes looked up at me.

"Do you trust me Bella?"

"Yes."

His grip on my waist loosened and I felt his hands again on my hips, his fingers hooking in to the tops of my sleep shorts and torturously slowly pulling them down to my ankles. I self consciously stepped out of the shorts, standing naked now for the first time in front of a man. Jacob stayed on his knees for what seemed an eternity, drinking me in like an unwrapped gift. He kissed the skin below my navel before getting to his feet.

"Lie down with me."

He pulls of his shirt as I crawl up my bed. It will no longer be an innocent bed full of unfulfilled dreams. By tomorrow it will be a woman's bed. Satisfied and soiled. He senses my unease at being naked, because he senses everything. He is okay that I face away from him, so he lies behind me, spooning me. The heat from his bare chest burning into my skin. His fingers again tweak and tease my nipples until my guard relaxes and my defences ease . When I am again excited by the electricity of his touch, when I am pushing back against him, trying to get closer, to get under his skin and feeling the evidence of his want pushing back against me, his hand trails down and down. Reaching between my legs. My mind is in a constant battle. Only one other has touched me there and I am caught between needing more, and knowing that soon he will be aware of exactly how much I want him to touch me. I can feel how wet I am and I know that soon he will too and I want to be embarrassed, but I don't want him to stop. His fingers brush my slit, opening it slightly before coming to rest on my clit. It is so swollen and sensitive that I think I will combust. He strokes it in tiny circular motions before dragging his fingers back down to my entrance.

"Uungh, Jacob," I moan

"Oh fuck babe, you are sooo wet for me." Again his fingers move up, rubbing my clit with more pressure this time, then sliding back down again. He slides one finger inside me, dragging it out slowly and then pushing it in again. My noises are primal. Speech is gone.

"I love it when you moan for me. Do you trust me Bella?"

I nod vigorously. I can do nothing else.

Jacob hovers over me. I roll on to my back, wondering what he's up to, not wanting the touching to stop. He is as eager as me to continue, and even as I lie there naked before him, his hand creeps back between my legs rubbing that bundle of nerves gently.

"Bring your knees up Bella, put your feet flat on the bed." I move slowly, trying to maintain some control over my body while Jake continues his rubbing. This way is better. I have leverage and I can rock against his hand for more friction. I am beginning to lose control when Jake's hand is suddenly gone. When I open my eyes, he is at the bottom of my bed. "Put your feet further apart and open your knees for me." His voice is rough, his eyes are dark and his breathing is uneven. It takes every ounce of courage I have to heed his request. He said he would lead and now I must follow. I just let instinct take over. I move my feet and let my legs fall apart exposing everything I have to Jacob's hungry gaze. He moves between my spread thighs, stroking my clit once more. "I see you Bella," he whispers and then his mouth is on me. He is the captain of the Enterprise, going where no man has gone before. His tongue starts gently and becomes more insistent as it licks from my entrance to my begging, bursting clitoris. He laps at it gently, then takes it into his mouth, suckling it as he did my nipple a short while ago. I can feel something beginning to build deep inside me and when Jacob pushes first one and then two fingers inside me the damn bursts and I come undone bucking my hips into him, my hands twisted in his hair to keep his mouth where it is.

When I release him from my death grip (I am pleased to see his hair is still attached to his head), and when I can open my eyes long enough to make contact with him, I see only hunger and desire not regret or rejection. He has pushed me over the edge once, but I still want more. I rise to my knees and pull him to his, seeking out his mouth. I don't care that I am naked and he half dressed. I don't care that I can taste myself on his lips and tongue. I only care that he wants me still and I want him again.

My hands are everywhere, feeling his stomach muscles flutter as I brush by, feeling the strength of his thighs as my fingernails bite into the muscle there. And finally my hand finds that delicious bulge again. I cup the solid mass between his legs, trying to get a feel for the actual size of it, as if the outline through his jeans is deceiving.

"I need to see you Jacob." I have never been allowed to look, or touch, only to feel, and tonight I want to see what it is about such equipment that is so fascinating. He takes my hands in his, squeezing reassuringly before letting them go. He gets off the bed and I shuffle to the edge, watching as he slides off his jeans. He is naked beneath them.

They say it is not the size of the wand, but the magic in it, yet this is a mighty impressive wand. I look at Jacob, timidly reaching my hand out towards that part of him that is straining upward. He nods, and I touch him. Slowly at first, delicately running my fingers over the very tip of him, feeling a drop of moisture there. Then trailing down the prominent vein, up and down again.

"I won't break Bella." His voice is strangled, holding himself together. I grip him firmly, wondering at how his skin can be so soft over a part of him that is as hard as a rock, and again I wonder how it will ever fit inside of me. I move my hand up and down, trying to close my fingers around him, hoping the pressure is right. I can feel Jacob's hand on the back of my neck and I feel as if he is steadying me, even though it is he that is unsteady. He begins to move his hips in time with my pumping hand and I am overjoyed that I can have some effect on him. I move my hand to his balls, cupping and hefting the weight of them, feeling how taut the skin has become. I am fascinated and curious and not embarrassed at all. I use his cock to tease him a step forward, closer to me. I kiss him low down on his belly and then trace my tongue along the head of his penis. I like his taste, but as I begin to slide my mouth over him, I feel his discomfort and Jacob steps back away from me. Here it is, the rejection I've been waiting for. I sit back, trying to cover myself and averting my eyes.

"I've told you already not to jump to conclusions," he says. His voice sounding strained. "One day very soon I will teach you how to use your mouth on me. But if you start that now, tonight's chapter will be over and my body has more to say to yours yet."

I have scramble my way to the head of the bed in my need to seek preservation. Jacob crawls lithely up beside me, leaning against the headboard with his long legs stretching endlessly before him and his cock still rigid against his stomach. As I let down my guard and turn to face him, I find myself lifted and pulled by his rough hands until I am straddling him and staring into those dark wanting eyes. He is not finished with me yet. He kisses me again, deep and slow as if nothing matters more than making me want him again. His fingers play their beautiful melody against my skin. Touching and kneading once more. I am grinding against him, and I can feel him pushing back against me in that age old dance of lovers. When he brings his teeth to my ear and bites firmly while his fingers find my core again, I feel a fresh flood of warmth trickling down my thighs. I know he can feel it. He has become wet with my juices as we push against each other in rehearsal for the main event.

"Do you trust me Bella?" he asks one final time.

"Yes Jake ... please..." It is a plea. Please take me now. Make me call your name and then make me lose my words and succumb to the fire that is burning inside of me. Please.

"I'll lead, you follow," he whispers. As I watch he grips himself, positioning himself to enter me. I think again that his cock will never fit in me, that I will surely split in two, but as he pushes slowly inside of me I find that I don't care. He treats my body as if it's made of spun glass, gently rocking with me, pulling out slightly only to push further in and very soon he is completely sheathed inside of me, filling me.

"Oh Jake, you feel so good!" I can't keep still. I am rocking back and forth seeking the friction that will ease the burn inside me.

"That's it honey, find your rhythm. Just like riding the horse." Only it's Jake I'm riding, not Samson and I don't want to stop. My breath is coming quicker and I want to feel him deeper inside of me.

"Mmmhh, harder Jake, please."

He says nothing, but his eyes darken further. With his hands on my hips he starts guiding my movements, pulling and pushing me as he thrusts deeper and harder. I can tell he is close, our rhythm is faltering. I never want it to end but that end is imminent. When I feel his fingers again rubbing circles against my clit I can't hold it together any longer. I hear a voice calling his name, but don't recognise it as my own. I can feel my intimate muscles clamping down on him, clenching and releasing until he too is washed away on this wave and he cums, spurting his seed inside ofme.

When our breathing has steadied and our heartbeats have slowed, Jake kisses me tenderly and lifts me off of him. I can only lie in my bed staring at the ceiling wondering why it hasn't always been like that. A part of me acknowledges that Jake has left my bed and I am wondering if it is a permanent thing when he returns with a warm wash cloth. He opens my legs, cleaning me and I haven't the strength to resist or care.

At some point in the light of the dawn, I regain enough consciousness to know that I have slept. I am now lying face down on my bed and I can feel Jake beside me tracing his fingers up and down my spine. It is sensual, but not sexual. A comforting and comfortable gesture. I turn towards him, smiling and he smiles back at me.

"It's early. Sleep some more." And I do, content and satisfied.

When I wake again, the sun is high in the sky and Jake is no longer beside me.


	14. Chapter 13 You Lead, I'll Follow

**Thanks again to Arabella Whitlock for doing her thing! It seems I have annoyed a few readers by letting Bella choose Jake last chapter. What can I say, the story seems to have a life of its own and the course of true love never runs smoothly. Can I just gently and tactfully remind readers that all authors put themselves into their work and we are all putting ourselves out there when we let you read it. It is your choice to read it, but its not always under our control to meet your wishes. Play nice people. Don't hate Jake and be kind when you review.**

It must have been about mid-morning when I finally woke. The day was fine and the sunlight streamed in through the open curtains. I remembered opening them in the wee hours of the morning to watch the lightning in the distance. I remembered a good many other things about last night too and wondered what this day would bring. There were many possibilities, and one certainty. The others would arrive today. As much as I had enjoyed my time alone with Jasper and Jacob and the love/hate relationship I held with our fireside confessions, I was still looking forward to seeing Emmett and Rosalie and all the others again. My ranch was a sanctuary for me and I loved spending time here alone or with the ones I love, but there was certainly room to house us all, and the place really did come alive with more willing bodies to look after it. I think Grandma Swan would have been proud of what we'd done with the place in the last year.

I could hear voices down the stairs and I knew that Jake and Jas were already up and about. It was well past our usual go time, and I had broken the routine but not being there to make the breakfast. It had been a long time since I had slept so well. The afterglow from last night's exploits had begun to wear off and I was feeling a little awkward as to what would happen next. Did Jacob expect me to be his girlfriend now and be with him in front of everyone? Did I want to be his girlfriend? Did Jasper know what had happened between us? My mind was working overtime and the anxiety was building up quickly. I heard approaching footsteps and wondered which of them had come to get me this morning, and what they would think of my current condition. While neither of the boys tended to walk unannounced into my bedroom, in the past I'd had nothing to hide. This morning found me decidedly naked between sticky sheets with an A grade case of sex hair. Jacob, of course, would understand. Jasper maybe not so much.

Fortunately, it was Jacob's head that appeared around the door. "I thought you might prefer me to wake you this morning," he whispered, silent laughter crinkling around his eyes.

"Probably for the best," I nodded, biting my lip. In seconds he had crossed the floor and was lying next to me. His thumb brushed my lip, tugging it from between my teeth before pulling it between his own lips, kissing me deeply. I wanted him again instantly, and I could feel him beginning to stiffen even though the bedding and his clothing separated us.

"I think you'd better quit that and get dressed Bella, or I'm going to take you again right now and I won't care who's downstairs listening." Jacob groaned and tore himself away from me.

"Ok, ok, I'll get up ... and dressed, but don't go anywhere, I want to talk to you about something."

"I'll wait here, there's something I got to ask you too."

I quickly showered and dressed, feeling very aware of every movement of my body and sensation on my skin. I felt hyper-aware since last night, every little thing making the memories of a touch, fingers or tongue spring to the surface. I badly wanted to change the bed and put on a load of laundry, but thought it may be just a bit too obvious for Jasper if I marched downstairs with my sheets in my arms. It would have to wait. Now it was time to face Jake and the question I needed to ask. And whatever it was he wanted to ask me.

"Still here?" I asked, fiddling nervously with the hem of my shirt.

"Of course. You wanted to talk to me." He sat on the end of the bed, looking up at me slightly concerned. My courage had now fled and I didn't know how to phrase my question without either sounding petulant or like a bitch. I began to gnaw on my lower lip again. Jacob stood, and again used his thumb to extricate my lip from my teeth. The now familiar electricity flowed again between my legs at his touch. "Don't go quiet now. You've been getting better at saying what's on your mind. It's just me Bells, same as its always been. What do you need to say?"

"I don't know how to say it without it coming out badly, so I'm just going to jump right in here. Don't judge me please?" I paused, looking up in to his now more worried eyes.

"I don't know what ... I mean ... what happens ...um, I mean ... where ...," I faltered, almost ready to give up.

"You want to know where things are at between us after last night don't you?" he said, knowing everything, yet again.

"Um, yeah ..." half a question, half a statement. Queue the blush.

"We're wherever you're comfortable being. This time you lead and I'll follow. If you don't want to be any more than friends that's ok. If you just want to practice what we did last night in secret, that's ok. If you want to go full Emmett and Rosalie in front of everyone, I won't lie, that would be ok too. I know you weren't looking for a relationship, just a release and I'm happy for you to steer this where you want it when you're ready for it. Good enough?"

"Yes Jake. Good enough. Thank you for knowing me so well. I don't know what I want right now and I'd like to just keep it between us until I work it out, if you're good with that?" Could I really be that lucky that he would be satisfied with that answer? It seemed so.

"It's fine. Let's just see where it goes and maybe have some fun along the way." He smirked at me and I felt myself relax again. I was just getting used to being Bella's Bella, without having to work out who Jake's Bella was too.

"Did you want to ask me something?"

And here was a side of Jake I had never seen. His smile disappeared, he literally broke out in a sweat and his Adam's apple was suddenly too big for his throat and he seemed to be constantly trying to swallow it down. What on earth was he going to ask? I was getting worried!

"Um ... yeah...," he stammered, so completely unsure of himself. "Well, last night ... I, look, I don't know what to say, I didn't plan on that happening, and then, when it did happen, I couldn't have stopped myself if I tried, but now ... oh god. Umm. I'm usually so responsible, do I need to take you to a doctor or something?"

I wasn't quite following. Did he think that after one night with him I would need medical attention? Why? I mean he was pretty devastating in bed, but I didn't think I needed repairs. I was a little sore sure, but nothing requiring a doctor. The blank look on my face urged him on.

"Oh god ... ummm, what I'm trying to say is ... last night, when we were together, you know, in bed together ... I um, I didn't use anything. I'll look after you Bells, no matter what, you know that, but maybe if we go to the docs now ..."

"Holy shit! Jake stop panicking! I'm on the pill."

"Oh thank fuck for that!" Jake collapsed back on to the bed, letting out his breath in one big whoosh, tension leaving his body. I was both amused and horrified. I could understand his discomfort and concern, there's a whole other trust issue at stake when sex is unprotected. Not that I'd ever had unprotected sex. But I hadn't realised Jake would take it so seriously. He couldn't have known that I was protected I guess, but his reaction was perhaps a little over the top. Accidents could be taken care of, I hadn't purposely set out to ruin his life.

He collected his thoughts then and looked over to see my somewhat confused expression. It finally dawned on him what he must have sounded like. "Oh god, Bella! I didn't mean it like that... I just ... God I'm making a mess of this..."

Aaah, here it was, the rejection that inevitably followed any sort of pleasurable encounter for me. Now he would tell me it had been a mistake and he just wanted to be friends. That he never meant for last night to happen, or more likely still, he would just go about the rest of his life as if what we shared together never existed. And besides, apart from some really great sex, what had we shared together? I was still trying to decide. I felt myself putting up those internal walls again, beginning to draw back into myself for preservation. I would not regret last night, but I would not put myself out there to be hurt and used again.

"Bella! Stop doing that to me!" Jake's voice was raised. He was clearly angry with me. In a second he was off the bed and pulling me close to him. He brushed his hand through my hair and kissed my cheek. "I'm not him Bella. Last night was not a onetime thing for me unless that's the way you want it to be. All I meant was, that I don't think you want to be winding up pregnant. I know you've got college plans and your whole life ahead of you. It scared me to think I may have jeopardised all that. Hell, I'm not ready to go down that road yet either! It was not meant to come out like I didn't want you. We already talked about this. You lead and I'll follow."

He was right. I had to stop leaping off the cliff at every ambiguous comment. I relaxed into his arms and soon found myself seeking his lips again. After a few moments Jake spoke again. "I meant what I said before. You need to stop now before I can't stop, unless you want an audience."

"Do you think Jasper knows?" I ask.

"I don't think he knows, but he probably suspects. Or at least he will when he sees you. By the end of our conversation last night, you were pretty wound up, and this morning you're pretty relaxed. The way you carry your body tells the tale for you. Is it a problem that he knows?"

"No ... it's just... I turned him down last night. After you left the fireside he ... never mind."

"It's okay Bells. I know how it is with you two. You never have to choose him over me or me over him as far as I'm concerned. Though I am glad you turned him down last night. I don't think his head is really in the game yet. He's sort of in a limbo between you and Alice."

"I didn't want to hurt him. And I don't want you to think that I only did ... that ... with you because I couldn't with him. Last night was good, really good." And I am red all over again, burying my face in the warmth of his chest.

"Yes Bells, it was really good and it will be again if you want it to be." We were quiet for a minute. Just enjoying the peacefulness and acceptance of standing in each other's arms.

"Jake, can I ask you something else?"

"Always."

"Why didn't you stay last night? You were gone when I woke up."

"It just didn't seem like the right thing to do. I didn't think you would want me to. If and when you're ready for that, you'll tell me."

This man knows everything. "Thanks Jake."

"Bells, we really should go down now."

"Yeah I know." Time to face the day. Time to face Jasper and time to get things set up for the arrival of our other friends.

I went down the stairs in deep concentration, being careful not to trip and using this as an excuse not to immediately meet Jasper's eyes. Jake bolted down after me, grabbed some fruit and muttering something about chores, disappeared in to the yard. Eventually I dragged my eyes up to Jasper's, knowing full well that he had been watching me since I entered the room. That one look gave me all the information I needed. His eyes were dark and distressed. He had obviously found sleep as hard to come by as I had before Jacob's intervention.

"I see you've made your choice," his words were dejected but not bitter.

"Like I said to you last night Jas, I'm not making any choices right now. I just let myself have some fun. Nothing about our situation has changed since last night unless you broke up with Alice and neglected to tell me."

"Nothing has changed! ... How can you say that? You were with him last night. I can tell you two fucked! How can you say nothing has changed?"

My turn to be angry. "Don't you dare talk to me that way! You gave me the ultimatum, tell you what I felt before you'd touch me. And yet you're still with Alice. It's always about you and Alice! It's okay for you to have her and play with me on the side, getting me all riled up and never following through. But let me tell you something - Jake was prepared to follow through. Yes we fucked and it was damn good too - but nothing has changed from my perspective. I haven't chosen anyone. I'm not in a relationship with anyone! I just got to do something I wanted. Sort your shit out before you start trying to be involved in mine." Rage was an emotion I was not familiar with. If flooded my body and coursed through my veins like liquid fire. A flash fire that burned brilliant and hot, scouring everything in its path and leaving cold ashes in its wake. It evaporated as suddenly as it had begun, when I once again took stock of Jasper's broken face. He was a broken man. Shoulders slumped, eyes downcast, attitude defeated. Immediately I wanted to take back my outburst and hold him close until he felt better.

I tentatively stepped towards him, pulling him closer like mother to son, resting his head on my shoulder and rubbing up and down his back. "I'm so sorry Jas, I didn't mean any of it. Honest. I haven't chosen him, I just wanted to feel good for a while. I never meant to hurt you." But I had hurt him, badly. More than I could have ever imagined.

We stood like that for a while, until I felt the life come back into him, until I could feel him physically pulling himself back together. "It's ok Scarlet. We'll sort it out somehow."

He relinquished our embrace to take my hands and kiss me softly. "I'm a little hurt because I wanted to be the one in your room last night. I want to be the one to make you look like that when you enter a room. But I know I can't be that right now. Don't write me off yet. Give me some time to work things out."

"I can't make any promises Jas. I'm not making any decisions today, but things will happen one way or another. The next move is yours."

"I know that, just, be my Scarlet til we sort this out."

"Always Jas."

That little word always can have so many definitions. It would become a very tested promise over the next few years. Jasper may have hurt me in the past and been oblivious to my feelings. But today I had done some damage of my own. It would be a while before I noticed just how much.


	15. Chapter 14 Mona Lisa Eyes

**Sorry if you all got a notification for a new chapter, but I realized my upload was missing a bit at the end so I have reposted it correctly. Ch 15 is in the works. RL is kicking my butt at the moment with too much happening and not enough hours. I'll be back soon, I promise.**

We had not long finished the morning chores, falling comfortably into our routine with a tentative truce formed between Jasper and Jake when the cloud of dust and blaring car horns alerted us to the imminent arrival of our friends. It was a bittersweet feeling. I was looking forward to seeing them all, and so very glad to have them here at my place, yet I felt that things had started evolving between the three of us in the Saint Jude's Lost Causes Wilderness Fireside Chapter and that more time alone would have sorted it out somewhat.

My pondering was soon interrupted with noise, hugs and the other general greeting rituals that accompany a long absence. (Four or five days is a long time to be apart from your besties!) We helped Emmett, Rosalie and the others to unload the gear from their vehicles and let them sort out who was bunking in with who and in what building. There was a definite girls dorm with Lauren, Angela and Jess all voting to have a slumber party together, leaving Ben and Eric to fend for themselves in the newly appointed boys dorm. Emmett and Rosalie had one of the smaller outbuildings to themselves, and had wisely chosen the one farthest away from the main homestead. The noise created from their amorous activities was legendary and none of us wanted to get too close to that. Jacob and Jasper were able to keep the cottages they had chosen without sharing with a newcomer and there were still two holiday style cottages vacant if anyone else decided to turn up, or room to share in the boys and girls dorms.

While we were settling everyone in and helping to make up beds and store supplies, Rosalie kept giving me sideways glances. She continued this throughout the afternoon.

Almost as soon as the dust had settled, Jasper became glued to his phone, checking it every five to ten minutes as if willing it to ring or receive a message. To me it was obvious that he was waiting on some contact from Alice as she hadn't arrived with everyone else. After he had done it for the hundredth time, I couldn't help myself. I walked over to him and pulled him in to my side. "She'll come."

"How can you be so sure?"

"She wouldn't miss spending time with us all together before college, you know that Jasper. You two have some unfinished business, but she won't let that stand in the way of our last hurrah. You know her better than that."

"I just hope you're right," he muttered, leaning closer in to me and enjoying the comfort. When he had collected himself, replaced his phone in his pocket and moved on, I turned to see Rosalie scowling at me, before she too turned and walked away.

When we all sat down to eat (we had decided to use the old staff quarters for this purpose as it had long tables and benches and none of us were happy to be separated just yet) I found myself again the centre of Rose's attention. The girls had cut up heaps of fresh produce and taking advantage of the supply of newly baked bread bought in with our new arrivals, we had set up a make your own sandwich bar. I made my selection and sat at an empty table, basking in the fellowship so apparent in the room. Why couldn't we live like this always? What was with the generations old ritual of leaving behind family and friends in the best years of our lives to get a college degree? I think I must have secretly yearned for a simpler time. Before long Jasper seated himself opposite me.

"Anything yet?" I said, referring to his recent phone obsession.

"I haven't heard from her, but Emmett says she will be here for the weekend. Along with Charlie, Billy and Jasper's parents apparently."

I reached over and squeezed his hands while silently making a list of things that may need to be tidied up before the adult invasion. I had just about completed my mental checklist when an agonized shriek escaped me, followed by loud guffaws from both Jasper and Jake. Ever the thoughtful friend, Jake had bought me an ice cold soda to wash down my lunch, but the Peter Pan part of him had won out and the freezing metal was being pushed against the sensitive skin on my bare neck, much to everyone's amusement. He put the offending beverage on the table and pulled me closer to him, stroking up and down my neck as if to warm me up. Perfectly innocent right? Except that he pulled me closer and whispered seductively in my ear, "I love to make you shiver Bells." Only two people in the whole room noticed. Rosalie, of course, who sat there wide eyed. I could almost see the cartoon image of a light bulb flashing over her head. And Jasper who's tone was slightly sour when he asked. "Are you sure you two are ready for such a public display?" Jake just chuckled and tore in to his lunch like it was the last food on earth.

Rosalie was like the Mona Lisa. It didn't matter where on the ranch I ventured, her eyes seemed to follow me. When Alice finally called Jasper and he confessed that he thought it was over, but that she wanted to talk when she got here. When I held him tight placing gentle friendly kisses on his hair and rubbed his sagging shoulders, she was watching. When Jake thought no-one was looking and squeezed my butt, whispering that he didn't want to stop touching me, Rosalie was looking. When the boys decided on a bonfire and were shirtless chopping wood, when I couldn't keep my eyes off Jake's well defined abs, or the memory of how they had felt in the darkness of my room, Rosalie was looking. When Ben and Eric joked about making one of the vacant cottages into the 'love shack' for the poor couples that had ended up in separate rooms resulting in both Jake and I immediately seeking the other's eyes, and then of course when I turned beet red, knowing he was thinking what I was thinking, Rosalie was still looking.

And towards the early evening when everyone had some time to themselves, Rosalie was still looking. We'd gone our separate ways for a while to freshen up, unpack or begin the dinner preparations. Everyone was looking out for themselves this evening and we would take some time tomorrow to set up a roster for the next two weeks. I was alone for once in the kitchen of the main house. The kitchen attached to the staff quarters would see all the main action while there was more than a handful of us to cook for. I was leaning lazily against the counter daydreaming and gazing at the late afternoon sky when I realized that I wasn't really alone. I felt Jacob's warmth close to me at the same time I became aware of another presence in the room. He placed his hand hesitantly against the small of my back as if unsure of the reception he would get. His touch was electric and I had been trying to act normally around him all day, denying the urge to touch him in a thousand small ways. I was not of a mind to ignore him while we had this unplanned opportunity for alone time. I turned to face him and he stepped in closer to me. His arms went around behind me to rest on the counter while I brushed my hands against his forearms. He bent his head down til we stood brow to brow, eyes closed and relaxed at last. Jake was the first to speak. "It was harder than I thought it would be to keep my distance today."

"I know what you mean. There were so many times I just wanted to touch you, or to say something cheeky or to just be with you and then I felt like everyone was watching us and waiting for the next move," I admitted.

"There's no-one here now ...," Jake whispered leaning his head down and kissing my cheek and then my ear lobe and neck before finally settling on my lips. He brushed his lips gently to mine, questioning, seeking permission, and I kissed him back with all the strength I could muster. I had missed this today, I had missed this all my life. This simple feeling of passion shared equally with another. Jake kissed back, sweeping his tongue over my bottom lip before it battled with my own for dominance. I quickened again, past the point of no return groaning into his mouth. Jake's eye's flew open and he stared at me as if I were something to eat, his chest heaving and his heart racing as was mine. "Fuck Bella, what have you done to me?" He bent his head to me again wiping out any chance of a coherent answer with his heated, wanting kisses. His hands stroked languidly down my back, resting momentarily on my buttocks before gripping my thighs and hauling me on to the counter. A gasp huffed out of me, partly from the impact, and partly from the contact I now felt. Jake had forced my legs apart enough to slip his body between them. As his lips travelled again the well worn path from my ear to my throat, his hands gripped me tightly, pulling my hips forward to greet his. I could feel his warmth, feel my own burning heat and felt how incredibly hard he was already. I bucked my hips against him, desperate to feel him where I needed him. Gone was bashful Bella and in her place was a wanton woman, driven insane with lust. I found myself holding on to him in a death grip, trying to pull him closer and closer, rubbing against him as if I could magically get him inside of me without first removing our clothing. When Jake pulled back a little and thrust against me, I cried out. I could feel myself on the verge of orgasm and he'd barely touched me. Denial is a strong aphrodisiac.

"Fuck Bella! I want you so bad right now. I'm going to take you upstairs and fuck you, but maybe I'll make you cum right here first no matter who can look in and see you."

_Oh My God! That is the hottest thing I've ever heard. I really think I'm gonna ..._

"Don't let me stop you."

_What the fuck! Rosalie!_

Moment gone! Impending orgasm draining away and ice in my veins like a bucket of cold water on my soul. When did she get there? How much had she seen? What had she heard?

Rosalie was standing in the kitchen doorway with a grin like the Cheshire Cat, arms folded and eyes sparkling with mischief. We were so caught in the act. No plausible deniability available now. Was the cat out of the bag?

"You two need to cool it before anyone walks in here. You've been dancing around each other all day, it's not going to take much for people to work out you're together and that seems to be a fact you've been trying to hide from the others. Now buzz off Jakey and give me a minute with my girl here. Don't worry, your secret's safe with me."

Jake was as red faced as I was, but decidedly more sure of himself than my current state of mind. "Actually Rosalie, it's you who needs to buzz off and give us a minute," he replied, gazing unabashedly downward toward the very prominent bulge in his shorts. "Bells will come find you shortly."

Rosalie just laughed and turned to leave. "Don't leave me hanging Bella. We need to talk." And she was gone.

I was frozen in place, my legs still curled around Jake, my fingers still gripping him tightly to me. And then the world came crashing in and I turned to jelly. We'd just been caught in the act. Jake had been saying deliciously dirty things in my ear and I had been bucking and grinding against an obvious erection. How would I explain my way out of this one?

"Where'd you go Bells?" Jake was tender again. Still holding me, but not burning me alive with the passion we'd felt moments before.

"Just trying to work out what I'm going to say to Rosalie. I know what she's going to ask."

"If she wants to know if we're together, just tell her the truth. We haven't worked it out yet and we're having a bit of fun in the mean time. I told you already that I'm happy with that if you are." Jake never put any pressure on me to make decisions I wasn't ready to face. "So what if she caught us making out? The only thing I'm sorry about is that I have to stop."

"Not stop Jake, just hold that thought til later."

"How much later?"

"Will you come to me tonight, like you did last night?"

"I will come to you whenever you want me."

I just smiled, kissed him again, and went off to face the wrath of Rosalie.

Rosalie was sitting alone down by the lake. I knew she'd be there, it's one of her favourite spots when she visits this place. I was glad she had chosen somewhere that allowed us some privacy for the upcoming discussion. I don't know how honest I would have been with her if there were other ears trying to get details.

"So, Bellaaaa," she said drawing out my name as I approached her. "Got something to share?"

"Well, seeing as your eyes have been following me all day, I would have think you'd have worked out that I wasn't ready for sharing just yet."

She just laughed good naturedly. "Look honey, I'm sorry I walked in on your afternoon delight, but last time I saw you, you were pining after a very unavailable Jasper. And in the space of a week you've got Jacob dirty talking in your ear while you try to crawl into his skin. Jasper looks to be an emotional wreck and is giving up on Alice and meanwhile neither guy can keep his eyes off you. They follow every move you make. What's been going on up here? What's between you and Jake and why are you keeping it from everyone?"

"It's a long story Rose. Are you sure you're up for it?"

"Give me all the gory details. I don't care if we're still sitting here this time tomorrow, don't leave anything out. "

So I gave her most of the story. Some of the details were not to be shared, they belonged just to me. I told her how I felt about Jasper, about being confused and fooling around with him, but it always came back to him and Alice. I told her how Jacob knew about the fooling around and encouraged me to experiment all I wanted with whoever I wanted, but to find happiness and not be used. I did not tell Rosalie that Jacob had watched us fooling around in the barn and had found it a singularly erotic experience resulting in long discussions about sex. I told her that Jasper had wanted me to tell him how I felt, but that I had refused while he was still sorting out his relationship. I told her that Jacob had encouraged me to be myself for a while and to work out what I wanted before committing to someone again. That we had gotten closer lately.

"I'll say- you couldn't have gotten much closer to him than you were back there in the kitchen! So by closer do you mean physically or emotionally? Are you with him or not Bella?"

"Depends what you mean by 'with'. We've fooled around a bit, talked a lot, shared some secrets. I like the way he is with me. He's not pushing me to make choices or decisions I'm not ready for. He says he's happy to see where it goes. I'm not ready for all the snide looks and judgements just yet so we're keeping whatever this is to ourselves."

"And by fooled around a bit you mean ..."

I could always rely on my blushes to give away the truth. "Ummm ... well ..."

"Have you slept with him or not?" Rosalie was anxiously awaiting the details I had left out.

"Once. Last night."

"And ...?"

"And what?"

"Jesus Bella, you're killing me here! How was it?"

This time it was my ear to ear grin that gave me away. " Oh my god Rosalie! It was so good. I didn't know it could be like that. I didn't know he could be like that. Sweet and tender and so incredibly hot. All I can think about is doing it again!"

"Oh honey, I'm so glad. I know that area of things hadn't been so good for you before. I'm glad you finally got to experience that. I'm glad you're giving him a chance and you aren't focussed on Jasper still. Does Jasper know about Jake?"

"You've been watching the two of them all day, what do you think?"

"Well it would certainly explain the daggers Jasper keeps sending in Jake's direction and the wistful looks he sends in yours," she replied thoughtfully. "But does Jacob know how you feel about Jasper?"

"I think he worked it out before I did. He says he's been watching us interact for a while now and it was obvious to him that there is unfinished business there. But he's adamant that I don't have to choose between them, that I can just take the bits I want for now."

"Do you think he loves you?"

"No, I don't think so. It's all kind of new and more about being together physically than emotionally. Why?"

"No reason."

"Come on Rosalie - why?"

She chewed on her lip for a moment, pensive, then finally answered. "Because if he loved you, he wouldn't share. Neither of them would."

We were quiet for a while, digesting the things I had disclosed and what Rosalie had made of them. It had seemed quite simple in my head. Support Jasper through his troubles with Alice, have some fun with Jake and learn a few things along the way. But after speaking with Rosalie, it seemed far more complicated. Did I have feelings for Jake? I clearly still had feelings for Jasper. Did Jake have feelings for me? And what would Jasper do if things didn't work out with Alice? My head was in turmoil again. It was too early on to start sorting any of this out. I had just decided to go with it and Rosalie had come along and pointed out all the holes in my plan. I was feeling anxious bordering on exasperated when I finally became aware of her gaze on me. She had something else to say before the interrogation was over.

"Look Bella, I'm not here to judge. You deserve to have fun, you deserve to feel good and I'm not about to stop you doing that. But it seems you have quite a little love triangle in the making here. It's hard enough dealing with one jealous guy, let alone two. Just be careful you don't get hurt, and try not to hurt anyone else."

"And how do you suggest I do that Rosalie," I snapped. I had already hurt Jasper and he had hurt me.

"Don't shoot the messenger honey. I know you need to explore things with Jacob and he seems to be very open and accepting of where you're at right now. Just be honest. Be honest with yourself about what you really want and be honest with them about how you feel. For both of them. Who knows how it will end up. Just as long as you don't get broken in the process. And if you really do love them both and end up with them both, then more power to you sister! I don't know if I could handle two guys!"

"Ewww Rose! It won't come down to that," I assured her.

"Stranger things have happened Bella," she smirked. And then pranced off in search of Emmett, very pleased with herself for having the last word.

The rest of the evening progressed quite smoothly. We were all glad to touch base with each other again and become reacquainted with each other's company in the absence of adult supervision. We struck up a roster for future cooking, shopping and meal oriented work. I was pleased when we all decided to suit ourselves for breakfast, which meant the original members of Saint Jude's Lost Causes could keep the routine we had already established. We made a list of work to be completed around the ranch, while still allowing us ample time to kick back and enjoy our solitude and then the newcomers shared what little gossip there was from home. Not much had happened in the week we had been away on the local front, but the global news which warned of the spreading flu virus was disconcerting. It made me even more grateful for the sanctuary offered by this place, and even less inclined to rejoin the human race when it was time for college. We made plans to look and act like responsible young adults when the parental units descended on us the day after tomorrow, ate whatever we could find for dinner, and then settled in to the night around the fireside.

I sat with Jasper for a while and tried to get him to talk about Alice and what he might say when she arrived. He acknowledged that he couldn't continue in a relationship with her if she was so scared of him physically. It wasn't just sex, he literally couldn't touch her without fearing for the reaction. But he'd loved her for so long, even if from afar, that he wasn't quite sure who he'd be without her. I resolved to talk to her if the opportunity arose, to see if I could gain any insight in to what her problem was. I ultimately wanted Jasper to be happy, even if it wasn't with me. If he sorted things out one way or another with her, then I might have a clearer idea of the options open to me. Besides, I couldn't stand to see him as dejected as he was right now.

Emmett and Rosalie were the first to retire for the night. They could barely keep their hands off each other, and it was somewhat of a relief when they decided to take things to a less public venue. The rest of the girls followed soon after, declaring it was 'girls time', which I believe involved nail polish and inane chatter. I quickly declined the invitation to join them. It wasn't really my thing and I really wanted to shower and be prepared when Jake came to me as he had promised. I made my excuses and went off alone to get ready with a blush in Jake's direction. Jasper wandered off to be on his own with his misery and left Jake, Ben and Eric by the fireside. I hoped it wouldn't be long until Jake decided to join me. We had been very rudely interrupted this afternoon and I was still wanting. Needing to finish what had been started.

I showered, and spent some time debating with myself as to what to wear. There was no lingerie in my wardrobe, nothing beyond cotton panties and a few lacy bras, none of which seemed appropriate at this stage of our relationship. I didn't want to seem silly or over eager and was just too self conscious to wait naked beneath the covers for him. In the end I settled on an oversized shirt buttoning only the last few buttons, and nothing beneath. I was decently covered, but showing a hint of flesh and promise. I sat on the window seat listening to the samples of conversation that drifted up from below. It seems Eric and Ben had settled in for a long haul and Jasper would have to find an excuse to leave without seeming obvious, and then get from his cottage to my room unnoticed. I might be in for a bit of a wait.

At some point I had dozed off, and I now awoke disoriented leaning against the window with muscles protesting against their irregular placement. I peered at my watch trying to fathom the time in the moonlit room and was amazed to see it was around 1 am. And I was still alone. Jake hadn't come. Of course not. I knew it would be a onetime thing - too good to be true. I never was worth the effort. Besides, I knew so little, how could I have been enough to entertain the likes of Jacob? Silent tears tumbled down my cheeks as I face the reality of being alone again. I left my futile post by the window and slid beneath the covers, curling in to a ball, the tears flowing freely. I had lost track of how long I cried. It had been a while and I was winding down when I realised there was someone in the doorway. I sniffed and pulled the covers tighter around me.

"Bells are you crying?"

"No." Yep, it's not obvious at all, let's pretend it's not happening.

In two giant strides, Jacob crossed the room. He lay on the bed, enveloping me in his arms and turning my face towards him.

"Are those tears for me?"

"No" Nothing but petulance from me at this point.

"Honey I'm sorry I took so long to get here. I thought the boys would never go to bed, and even once I left them, I couldn't get here without them seeing, and I didn't think you would want our midnight meeting to be tomorrow's breakfast gossip. I got here as soon as I could."

No response from me. Just silence. I was starting to feel a little foolish. I didn't really have anything to be upset about it seemed.

"Bells, did you think I wasn't coming?"

I nodded.

"And if I hadn't have gotten here, what would you have thought?"

"That you'd had enough of me. That I wasn't worth the effort."

"Dammit Bella! I would have walked across hot coals and made you cum in front of a hundred people if that was what it took to get into this bed with you tonight. I promised you I would come to you and I don't go back on my promises. It just took a lot longer than I expected."

"Really Jake? You're not just trying to make me feel better?"

He took my hand then, sliding it down his body until I could feel the very prominent erection straining to be released. "I've had this little beauty on and off since this afternoon in the kitchen. Every time I get it under control, you look at me or walk past and there it is again. I have been very uncomfortable for hours, praying someone didn't notice. All I can think about is you. Nothing could have kept me out of here tonight."

My breathing faltered as I felt him pushing against my hand, the same way that I had thrust my hips against him earlier. I began to claw at his clothing, wanting nothing more than to feel his burning skin against mine. He was just as eager and was soon naked, holding me too him, with my legs again pulling him closer to me. He pulled off my shirt, humming to himself when he found me naked beneath, his fingers finding my nipples to tweak and tease into aching peaks.

"Did you think about me too Bells?" he whispered as his lips found my ear and his tongue began to trace its contours. I could not speak. So instead I took one of his hands from my breast and pushed it down my stomach and between my legs, unable to keep from grinding against it as his fingers slipped between my folds to rub circles against my swollen clit.

"Fuck Bella, you are so wet," he said dropping his forehead against mine. Panting and barely holding himself in restraint as I felt the familiar heated coil build in my stomach.

"I need you Jake," I whispered.

That was all it took. Quickly he pushed himself inside of me, his moan cancelling out my own in the silence of the early morning.

"Don't stop!" He felt so good. Filling me, winding the spring inside. Thrusting erratically.

"Can't stop Bells," he puffed. "Can't hold on either," he panted, barely containing himself.

"Don't wait. Cum with me." I couldn't keep it together any more, the spring snapping, The dam bursting and my insides gripping down on to Jake in a wave of pleasure I thought would drown me.

He pulled out a little and pushed back in as far as he could, thrusting twice before spilling himself inside of me. We clung to each other as our breathing returned to normal, reassuring each other with gentle touches and stolen kisses.

"I'm sorry Bells, I wanted to take it slow and be good to you. But I waited so long to get here I couldn't help myself. I just wanted to be inside you."

"It's okay Jake. It was good. It was different to before, but I liked it very much. There'll be time for slow later." We dozed together then, enjoying the warmth and comfort of each other in a different way. When I woke an hour or so before sunrise, I found Jake sitting up, searching the dim light for his discarded clothing. I put one hand on his chest, over his beating heart. When he looked at me and smiled, I had only one word to say.

"Stay."


	16. Chapter 15 - The Bermuda Triangle

**_Sorry for the huge delay. Writing time is short but I'm still plugging away whenever I get the chance. Please read and review. For the one reviewer (remaining nameless) who is discontented with the pairings so far, all I can say is it will happen. Be patient, and until then, be nice! This chapter is unbeta'd so the mistakes are my own. Sorry Arabella Whitlock, I have lost your email address. As always, I own nothing but a dirty mind. xxx_**

And so he stayed. Because I had asked him to.

He put his fingers around mine, lifting them from his chest to his lips. "Lie back down Bells, it's too early to get up." So I rolled back over on my side, relishing having another living soul in my bed. A warm body to fill the emptiness. Jake lay behind me, his arm over my hip and his head on my shoulder.

"I could get used to this," he whispered pulling me to him. I smiled back at him, not wanting to commit to a 'forever' right now, but not wanting to burst the bubble either. I snuggled back harder against Jake whose hand now seemed to have a mind of its own. His tongue began to trace patterns around my neck and ears, while the autonomous hand crept slowly up from my hips to my breast, cupping it gently, his thumb mimicking the patterns of his tongue on my nipple. Taking my soft sigh as a show of consent, his hands wandered further down my naked body, one resting on my hip as the other slid between my legs. He cupped me there, pulling me close as he began to rock his hips slowly against me, setting a gentle yet deliberate rhythm. I quickly met his movements, pushing back against him for his pleasure, then forward into his hand seeking my own. It escalated quickly from there. Jake's fingers slipped between my folds, circling my clit. He groaned when his fingers encountered the wetness evident there.

"Mmmm Jake, that feels sooo good."

"Honey, you are always so wet for me. Open your legs wider."

With that Jake hooked his hand around my thigh, pulling it back and over his hip. I felt exposed and vulnerable, but oh so good when his hand crept back between my legs and his fingers pushed inside of me taking my breath away. Our hips rocked in time with one another, his fingers worked slowly in and out of me and the fire inside burned brighter and brighter. I knew I couldn't take the slow pace for much longer.

"Jake, please ..."

"Please what honey? What do you want?"

I needed him, needed to feel all of him inside of me. But I didn't have the words or the confidence to ask for that. I stammered, " I ... I need ...ooooh," my words disappeared into a groan as Jake, knowing full well what I wanted, pushed slowly inside of me, filling me while his hand continued to rub circles against my clit and his hips continued rocking in time with mine.

"Is that what you wanted babe, for me to be inside you?"

"Unngh, yes Jake,"

"No place I'd rather be," he said, his voice husky, his face now buried in my neck as he pumped harder. I couldn't take it anymore. It felt too good and I felt myself trying to close my legs as my orgasm approached, wanting to ride it out and control it.

"No babe, keep your legs apart for me, just let go when you're ready."

And I was more than ready. His words pushed me over the edge and I could feel every muscle clamping down on him, pulling him deeper in to me and releasing over and over as he too reached his climax. Satisfied, we slept again. A tangle of arms and legs and naked glowing skin.

Even though I had asked Jake to stay, I awoke alone again that morning. I could tell I had not been alone for long - the sheets were still warm and still held Jacob's delicious earthly scent. I heard voices in the kitchen, and knew that the boys had started the morning routine without me again. Perhaps this was the new routine, me lying in bed after a very pleasurable night while the other two corners of my triangle prepared the breakfast. I quickly washed, dressed and joined them.

It seemed that we were still the first to wake, and as such, we were spared the inquisitive glances of our peers who might wonder how Jake came to be in my house so early in the morning. No-one batted an eyelid as they all assumed he had simply shown up for breakfast like Jasper, rather than sharing my bed the night before. Everyone that is, except for Rosalie, who smirked in our general direction at every given opportunity.

The next few days came and went as did a variety of visitors. Charlie and Billy, along with Jasper's folks came up overnight and couldn't believe how much work we had done on the old place. It was feeling more and more like home and I dreaded leaving it, even to go back to Charlie's for a few days. I was not looking forward to leaving for college. It increasingly seemed like a silly idea when all I wanted to do was live out my life in peace on the ranch. I was somewhat mollified with the thought that Jasper would be close by and that Edward of all people would be attending the same institution. At least there would be someone to team up with to travel home at weekends and holidays. Jake had a job lined up and would be doing mechanical work in our home town. He was saving for his own place and had promised to visit.

As it turned out, Billy knew the old woman who owned the neighbouring property. She too had fences sadly in need of maintenance, but no family of her own to take care of things. Billy quickly brokered a deal which meant we could borrow and ride any of her horses we liked for the duration of our stay. In exchange, her horses would be exercised, and we would mend the fences with the materials she had on hand. Jake, Jasper, Emmett, Rose and I introduced ourselves and after a few days traipsing back and forth between the two properties, we had things looking like new. We had planned to take the whole group of us out to the falls tomorrow before some of them started heading back and had arranged to bring some of the horses back to my stable for the night so we could set out early in the morning, making the most of the daylight. Some of us would need to double still, but with enough capable riders, everyone who chose to would be able to make the journey.

By the morning of our first organized excursion, I had some insight into the growing gap between Jasper and Alice. It was a divide that had started out as a small crack and quickly turned in to a gaping chasm. Jasper was reserved and resigned toward Alice, though it was clear he still cared for her. Alice seemed aloof and cold, though confused, as if she was missing some little piece of a puzzle she could solve if she only thought hard enough about it. Before long, we were all choosing mounts and loading gear into saddle bags for our day trip. Almost everyone had chosen to ride alone and in the end we were only one mount short, so I volunteered to double with Jake as seemed to be our habit. I was eager to climb up and seat myself in that wonderfully safe and secure spot between his legs even though it was rather enticing to feel his body so close to mine in front of all our friends. Especially when most of said friends had no idea just how close I had gotten to Jake or how much I had enjoyed it. Again I bore the smirks of Rosalie with patience, but had to add two more concerns to my list. The raised eyebrows and goofy grin coming from Emmett showed me that the secret may be out again, and the icicle clad gaze of disgust coming from Alice meant that it was indeed time for us to have a conversation about the physical aspect of loving someone.

The ride was peaceful and enjoyable, an easy camaraderie between friends. We tethered the horses in a small clearing not far from the falls. It would allow them some space to roam while avoiding the noise we would no doubt create with our fun and frivolity. We trekked the last few meters to our destination on foot and were soon rewarded with the suitably appreciative murmurs from our friends at our discovery of this beautiful place. We set down the saddle bags in the shade of the trees and proceeded to break up into small groups in varying combinations of swimmers, sunbathers and general conversation. Jake immediately dove into the water and began rough housing with some of the boys. I chose a nice sunny spot near Rosalie and was enjoying the serenity when Emmett approached grinning from ear to ear.

"So Baby Bells...spill!"

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean Emmett," I relied trying in vain to control my own grin.

"Come on honey, this ain't my first rodeo. I saw you up on that horse with Jake and all I can say is - that is not the first time you've ridden with that man. And I mean that both literally and figuratively."

Who knew Emmett could use multi-syllable words!

I just blushed a lovely shade of crimson reminiscent of a bad sun burn. Drawing in a deep breath I decided to play Emmett at his own game answering directly and getting straight to the point. "It's probably not what you think Em. I'm just using him for the sex."

Emmett guffawed loudly while Rosalie looked on in pride. I had learned all my forthrightness from her after all.

"You go for it girl," he chortled, "But remember, if he hurts you, I'll hurt him."

"Well thanks for your concern Brother Bear, but I think I can handle it from here," I retorted, leaning over to give him a peck on the cheek. I sauntered over to the water close to where Jake stood and dove in, surfacing a fraction too close to him for it to be misconstrued as a platonic gesture. I was seriously contemplating going in for a passionate kiss right there in front of everyone when I felt Alice's frosty glare boring a hole in to my face.

"Hold that thought Jake," I whispered. "It's time the frigid Miss Brandon and I had a little chat about the birds and the bees." I dragged myself back out of the water and scooping up a towel walked towards Alice who had her aloof confused gaze firmly back in place.

I walked over to her and directed her to a quiet spot under the trees, away from any ears that may be interested in our conversation. "Alice, I'm going to get straight to the point. From the looks you've been giving me today, I'm guessing that you have a problem with something I'm doing."

A range of emotions crossed her face in quick succession. She swung from defensive to irritated, speechless, confused and back again before the facade finally gave way and the shy, insecure Alice who had first admired Jasper from afar stood before me.

"How can you stand it?"

"Stand what Alice, I'm not sure what you mean?"

"How can you stand so close to Jacob, sit with him on that horse with his ... you know so close to you. He looks at you like you're something to eat!"

I'm guessing that now is not the time to mention that I enjoy it very much when he treats me like something to eat. His tongue and teeth have been to places there is no way prissy Alice could approve of.

"I like it Alice. I like that he finds me attractive. I think he's sort of beautiful too. It's a nice feeling to have someone be close to you, physically close to you."

"But guys just can't leave it at that can they, being close to you I mean? They want to always _touch_ you. And I don't mean like holding hands or kissing. They want to touch private places, and they want you to touch theirs. It's grotesque!"

_Is that seriously what she thinks? She's stuck in an eight year olds mind. No wonder Jasper is so frustrated with her. How can she be like that at our age?_

"It's not grotesque Alice. It's natural and normal. When you both want to be with each other it feels good to touch, even if it is in a private place. There is something really special about sharing yourself with someone that way."

"You can't be serious! How could you ever want someone to see you that way? It's completely obscene. Jasper tried to make me touch his, you know, once... it was so hard! That can't be right. There can't be anything pleasurable in that. It's perverted."

_This girl has some serious issues!_

"Ummm, you know where babies come from right Alice? You know like, umm, what bits go where right?"

"I'm not an imbecile Bella! Of course I know about sex. But sex is for making babies. It's a wife's duty to let her husband do that in the marriage bed for procreation. It's not a game. It's a duty and a sacrifice."

"Oh sweetie, it's so much more than that. It's an expression of love between two consenting adults. It's not a duty and if you do it right it feels incredible, and you want to do it again and again."

"Well I never want to do it. No perverted man is going to stick his thing in me until I'm ready for children and hopefully I won't have to do it too much then."

"Do you think that's what Jasper wants?"

"I thought Jasper would be different. I thought he would understand - he seems to get that I'm uncomfortable with people and he was okay with not being physical at first, but he's just like all the others. He only wants one thing. It's over. I'm not wasting any more time with someone who can only think about what's happening between their legs."

"I'm sorry you feel that way Alice. Jasper's a good guy. He loves you. Wanting to be with you that way is a natural progression."

"There's nothing natural about it. I told you. It's over; he just hasn't got that through his head yet."

I reached over and squeezed her shoulder (she flinched even at that small amount of contact) and went back to the water's edge. I was lost in my thoughts when Jasper swam over and dumped his dripping body in the sun next to mine.

"So Miss Scarlett, did you finally get the low down from the infamous Miss Brandon?" he drawled.

"Oh Jasper, what can I say? I thought that maybe you needed to be patient with her or something and that she'd come around, but I never expected anything like that."

"But what did I do to her? What did I say to make her like that?" he whispered. His sorrowful puppy dog eyes would be my undoing.

"Oh honey no...," I said to him. I moved to sit behind him, wrapping my arms and legs around him as if I could cushion the blow by keeping him safely encircled with my body. "Listen to me Jasper. Nothing you said or did has made Alice this way. From the things she told me today, she has some real psychological issues with sex. It's nothing that you did or didn't do. I don't think she's been in a situation before where she had to think about it. I think she was in denial that you would want that sort of relationship with her."

"Maybe if I tried harder, put the physical side of things on hold for longer, maybe she'd come around ..."

"Jasper, I'm going to come right out and say this, even though I know it's going to hurt you. It's not going to work between you no matter how hard you try. You can't be what she wants. I don't know if there is any man on earth who can! You need physical contact from your partners, hell you're one of the sexiest men I know. You can't just bury that side of yourself to be with her. She may never come around and it's killing you. I don't like how withdrawn and unsure of yourself you've become since this whole thing with her started. You need to be yourself now and see what comes of it."

"I know. I know it's over; it just hasn't sunk in yet. I didn't think it would end like this..." his voice trailed off, leaving us sitting in a silence that seemed at once to be intimate and too vastly empty to deal with.

We had been sitting for a while, me wrapped around him while he stared vacantly, when Jake discretely walked past, catching my eye. Immediately a million thoughts tumbled through my brain. _It's not what it looks like! I haven't chosen him, he needs me, don't be jealous..._

His face showed only concern, no judgement or accusation. He nodded towards Jasper and mouthed the words "he okay?" I gently shook my head trying not to draw any attention to Jake's presence in this quiet moment. Jake simply smiled at me and whispered "Stay with him," before continuing on his way. Eventually Jasper came back to himself a little, and seeing to draw some strength from somewhere, smiled and hugged me. "Don't know what I'd do without you Scarlett," he murmured. "But let's get off the pity train and get these campers fed." With that he began to round up all our hungry companions and started sorting through the provisions we had bought along while Emmett lit a small cooking fire. Once we were all fed and resuming our activities, I sought out Jake.

"Thanks for understanding that back there before."

"What's to understand? I don't own you; you can have whatever friends you want and Jasper looked like he was in a very dark place. Has he finally worked out that Alice can't handle his manliness?" he stated stifling a giggle.

"Back off Jake. Things were so much worse than we realised. I think you might have known a bit of what was happening, but I had no idea how serious a problem it was. She's completely nuts. She thinks sex is only for 'procreation in the marriage bed' and is a 'duty and a sacrifice'. Jasper feels totally rejected and is wondering how he made Alice that way, as if he had anything to do with it."

"I didn't mean to make light of it. I knew something was really wrong there. You know he'll come looking for you now don't you. You were always his plan B."

"I'm his friend Jake. I'll be there when he comes looking for me. I'm going to help him through this."

"That's not what I meant and we both know it." He looked at me for the longest time, as if willing me to say something. But what was there to say? Jake shook his head and walked away.

The afternoon proceeded to be a good one, even with the underlying tone of anxiety I had about what the next few days would bring. We all enjoyed each other's company as well as our beautiful surroundings. We ate, drank and made merry until the shadows grew long and it was time to head back. I rode double with Jake as I had on the way out. It was hard to miss the desperate glance that Jasper shot my way when he saw me safely ensconced in Jacob's arms. Would he really use me as his rebound to wash away the horror of Alice? And hadn't I wanted to be with him all this time? What had changed? I knew that Jake had changed it. He had changed me. He had allowed me to be who I wanted and have what I wanted with no strings. But it was suddenly time to pay the price and decide for real what I needed from each of them.

Jake kept Samson to a slow pace and before long we had dropped behind the rest of the bunch, just enough to be out of ear shot. He pulled his arms tighter around me and rested his chin on my shoulder letting out a sigh.

"What's on your mind Jake?"

"Nothing much. Just enjoying being close to you while I can."

"Do you think everything will change now that Jasper and Alice have decided to give up?"

"I hope not. But I know that you wanted him, even though he treated you badly. I know he wanted you once he knew how you felt, but that you weren't available then."

"And am I available now?"

"Well honey that's completely up to you. I've said before, you can have as much or as little of me as you like. You don't have to choose to be with me. But he may not feel the same, and believe me, he is coming for you. It might not be any time soon, but it will happen. You need to know what you want when he does."

"Jake, for the first time in a long time, I'm happy. I like what we have and I don't care who knows it. I just don't want to be flaunting it in Jasper's face right now when he's going through his break up."

"That makes sense I guess. I like being with you two, more than I expected."

We rode on in silence for a little while longer. When we arrived back at the ranch we were nominated to feed and organise the horses for the night while the others went about the evening chores. We completed our tasks, dancing around each other then coming together in a gentle brush of hands or bodies until our work was finished. After first checking that we were indeed alone in the barn (seems as if he'd learned from experience), Jake pushed me into a dark corner kissing me with gusto. I responded to him quickly, the flame that always lurked just beneath the surface igniting instantly. His lips trailed down my neck to my shoulder, nipping softly as he pulled away, the moment passing.

"Someday very soon, when all the rabble have returned home, I'm going to bring you in here and fuck you. I want my memories to be about me with you in here, not him." It was the only time I had ever heard even the trace of jealousy from Jake. He always seemed so accepting of the things that had happened to date. I blanched feeling guilty, as if I had purposely hurt him.

"You're pale tonight Bells, and stressed. You need a good night's sleep." He kissed me again gentle and then walked on out of the barn as if nothing had happened. I felt emotionally exhausted from the day. Two guys, with two egos, and one who was now bordering on despair and blaming himself for everything that had happened. How could I ever cope with it all?

After dinner, I studiously avoided both the guys, spending my time instead with Rosie and Emmett, drinking some and saying little.

"What's got you down tonight Belly Bean?" asked Emmett.

"She's firmly entrenched in a very messy little love triangle, even though she's been trying to avoid it," replied Rosalie, straight to the point as always.

"Triangle? What the...? What am I missing here?" Emmett was confused. I, however, was wondering just where Rose was going with this. "I thought you were joking when you said you were just using him for sex!"

"Oh Em you big lummox! Open your eyes and add up the numbers. Baby Bella here fell in love with our Jasper about two years ago. He's been leading her on and sneaking stolen kisses all the while professing to be in love with Alice. Bells finally got her shit together and decided to take life by the horns. Jake's been teaching her a few things in that regard and she's blossomed. But now Jazz is single again, she's not committed to Jake although she definitely has a soft spot for him, or at least parts of him, and all three of them are wondering what's next and how it's going to work."

Emmett sat with his mouth hanging open, his head swivelling back and forth between Rosalie and I waiting to see what amazing fact would come next. I think he was waiting for me to deny it all, but I just didn't have any fight left in me.

"Yep, that's pretty much it. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm taking my third of the triangle and going to bed. I'm exhausted. See you tomorrow."

I left a concerned looking Rosalie and a clearly gobsmacked Emmett and took myself to bed, straight to bed, do not pass go, do not collect $200. I did not seek out either of the boys before retiring, just took my sorry weary self off alone. Stripping down to my t-shirt and panties I fell in to bed, seconds from sleep. My last remaining thought was to vaguely wonder if Jake would come tonight as had been his habit of late, even though I hadn't expressly invited him, but I was too tired to remedy that now.

As it turned out, I did have a visitor that night.

It wasn't Jake.


	17. Ch 16 - The Scarlet Woman Pt 1

**_The bad news is this chapter was going to be really long and take forever to write. The good news is I have decided to break it into two bits so you get it earlier. Enjoy!_**

The morning had dawned overcast and grey. Fitting to match the moods of all the campers. Almost everyone was leaving today. We would not all be together again for three months, until our first planned weekend back from college. Emmett and Rosalie had decided to stay on another night, enjoying the chance to spend some time in our smaller group, and I knew that I would be seeking comfort and advice from Rosalie after the events of the previous evening. Most were contemplating their imminent moves and new lives, Emmett and Rose had something on their minds that they hadn't yet opened up about, Jake was trying to act normally, but I knew he was wondering about Jasper's late night visit. Jasper was not himself; as depressed as I'd ever seen him, and I was more confused than ever. It was going to take some work to sort this complicated mess out.

As the last of the interlopers left the property, a grim sort of quiet fell over us all. Each of us seemed unable to settle to anything, lost in our own problems. I knew that the only way to try and sort out all these complications was to deal separately with each of them and work through it, bearing in mind Rose's advice to always be honest with myself and honest with the boys about what was going on. I knew it would be relatively simple to set at least one mind at rest and so it was Jacob that I sought out first.

He was in the barn, brushing down Samson and changing out the water in the horse trough. He made a fine sight, shirtless and sweaty and all man. The sight of him made my stomach leap and tighten in appreciation and then plummet at the thought of how close I had come to throwing it all away. He had said that I didn't have to choose, but it didn't sit right to not give him a chance when he had been so good to me. I had wanted Jasper for a long time. But not like this. Not because he thought he couldn't have anything better. I had felt surprisingly guilty at the thought of betraying Jacob and unable to sort out the depth of my feelings for them both. These and many more thoughts raced through my confused brain as I watched that beautiful body carry out its work. The rhythmic nature of the brushing had a calming effect and I felt content to watch, to not speak, to never break the peaceful moment. Soon the decision was taken out of my hands.

"Do you want to talk to me Bells?" asked Jake in a quiet voice.

"Can I? I mean, are you still talking to me?" It came out as a whisper. My confidence in always being honest was beginning to wane.

"Always Bells, no matter what - you know that." He put down the brush, patted Samson lightly on the rump and walked over to stand in front of me. He stood self-consciously in front of me with his hands in his pockets and his bare chest glistening in the dim light. If the conversation we were about to have was less daunting I would have launched myself at him then and there. But I didn't think he would want me to do that now.

"So how was last night? I was thinking about coming to you, even though you hadn't asked, but just as I was about to I saw him. I told you he would come for you eventually." Despite the very personal nature of betrayal that Jacob's question bought up, there was no tone of accusation in his voice. Just curiosity. No wonder he had been pretending everything was alright this morning. I had come to tell him what had happened before he had the chance to jump to conclusions, and yet he already knew what I had been trying to avoid. Deciding it was now or never I finally met his eyes. As my own filled with tears I launched into my story being honest as I had promised myself to be.

"Oh God Jake, I'm so sorry! I slept with him."

_I had fallen asleep quickly the night before, my last waking thought being to wonder if Jake would come to me this night, even though I hadn't specifically invited him, and he had told me to rest. I can remember surfacing somewhat, being in the relaxed state between sleep and wakefulness when you are semi conscious of your surroundings, but still half dreaming. I had thought I heard footsteps and drew my consciousness upwards towards the front of my brain, straining my ears for more sounds of movement. I was not disappointed. I heard light footfalls on the stairs, I heard the door push open slowly and then ... nothing. This roused my curiosity. If Jake had come to me as I had thought, he would have climbed in to the bed with me- what was going on? I rolled over towards the door and thought I must have still been half asleep. Jasper was standing there. It was not the confident, self assured Jasper that I knew, but a lost pup, wondering what to do next. After looking in his direction for several minutes, with him looking in mine, but never speaking, I decided that it was time to make a move. I didn't know what to say. I didn't really know why he was here, but in the back of my mind I remembered Jake saying that he would come for me eventually. Is that what was happening? Had he come to stake his claim? Did I want him to? I lifted the covers as an invitation, but still didn't speak. _

_Jasper walked slowly to the bed, kicked off his shoes and climbed in facing me. I reached over him, covering him with the bedding and gently touched his face as he settled into the warmth. We lay like that, face to face for a long time, the seconds stretched by the early quiet of the predawn hours. Eventually the serenity passed into alertness. Jasper drew me towards him, running his hand in circles over my back. In turn I ran my hands under his shirt to trace the plains of his chest, noting the subtle differences between him and Jake. His lips sought mine. A gentle kiss. At first, just a tentative brushing of his lips against mine. But it wasn't enough. It never is. It quickly became heated. Jasper's kisses were more insistent, asking of me what I would give and I responded eagerly. Initially it felt so right. I had wanted him forever, and here he was willingly in my bed, unattached and wanting me. But I could not turn off the devil sitting on my shoulder. That devil kept whispering to me about Jake, how he made me feel when we were together, how understanding he had been of everything going on with Jasper, how he had never asked anything of me that I wasn't willing to give. How he had always been straight up with me about what he wanted. When I stopped feeling and started thinking, I realised that I was grinding against Jasper's obvious erection and that his hands were making their way south into my underwear. It was now or never. _

_"Jasper?"_

_"Hmm, what is it Scarlet?" he whispered, moving his mouth to my neck and pushing himself against me._

_"Why are you here?"_

_"I thought that was obvious," he said as he slipped his fingers between my folds, stroking me. I covered his hand with my own and stilled his movements._

_"No Jasper, why are you really here?"_

_He stopped then. He pulled his hands away from mine and cupped my face. "I want you Scarlet." Still Scarlet. Always Scarlet._

_"Do you really? Or do you really want Alice, or do you just want something to fill up that big hole in your chest that she left?" When did I get so cruel, or so brave as to say these things to him?_

_His reaction was not what I had expected. I had thought he would bite back or make a joke of it. Or that he would try to distract me with intimate touches. He did none of these things. He simply imploded. He drew his hands away from me, making fists that he tucked under his arms. His body curled in on itself, making him small and vulnerable. His voice was almost inaudible. "You don't want me either."_

_"Jasper honey, that's not it! I just need to make sure this isn't still about Alice."_

_He rolled away from me then, turning his back on me. I thought at first that he would leave and he probably would have, except that he was too bereft of energy and overcome with emotion to move._

_"I always thought we'd be together. I loved her Scarlet. But something about me repulses her and I couldn't make it work. Maybe I didn't try hard enough."_

_"Jasper, you know that's not true. None of us could have seen how this would turn out. You were far more patient than anyone else would have been. She's got some serious hang ups. She needs real help. It's not on you."_

_"But what's wrong with me that she couldn't love me back? She couldn't even touch me without reacting badly. God am I so horrible? Am I so horrible that no-one can bear to be with me?"_

_My sub-conscious was screaming at me. Tell him! Tell him you love him and you have for years! Tell him that you want him and no-one else makes you feel like he does. Tell him that no-one else makes your body do those things that he can. Except that was only partially true. I had loved him for years. I had wanted him for as long. But someone else could make me feel those things and I wasn't ready to let that go after all the times Jasper had hurt me._

_"Sweet Jasper, you are not horrible. You know I want you too, but have a look at yourself. You don't really want this either. You are just trying to cover up the hurt you're feeling. Let me be there for you. Sort out how you feel. Just relax and give yourself some time."_

_I drew him towards me, holding him tight in a full body embrace as if the warmth of my skin could ward off all the night's evils. I wrapped my arms around his chest and my legs around his hips and stroked his hair until I felt him begin to relax. I held him for a long time, gently rubbing his shoulders, or running my fingers through his hair. Eventually our breathing evened out and I felt on the verge of falling asleep. I thought he had fallen asleep too, and for a long time when I played back those moments in my mind, I wasn't sure if he had actually spoken or if it had just been my mind playing tricks on me. His quiet vulnerable voice whispered into the darkness, "do you love me Scarlet? Please tell me you love me." But I took the cowards way out and let sleep take me, not knowing how badly he needed to hear those words._

_When I finally rose the next morning, he was still sleeping, looking more relaxed than he had the previous evening. I slipped out of bed to make coffee, wondering why Jake had not come to help with breakfast as my stomach again plunged into a bottomless pit as the realisation hit me. He knew. He knew that Jasper had come and probably knew that Jasper was still here. We, that is to say, Jake and I, had spent several hours discovering each other in that bed upstairs. But he had never stayed the night. Never slept or woken in my arms, or me in his. He had trusted me to choose what I wanted and now it would seem to him that I had chosen Jasper. Jasper, who I had loved for years, but who had treated me badly and left me wondering what I wanted. He had come to me without notice only hours after breaking up with Alice and expected me to concede to him. And I almost had. But Jake didn't know that. And I'm not sure he would feel any less betrayed by the fact that we hadn't had sex in light of the very personal and differently intimate time we had shared. He would think I had let him under my skin again. But it seemed more like it was Jake that had gotten under my skin. He had given me a free pass to have whatever and whomever I wanted. And I hadn't used it._

_Eventually I managed to rouse Jasper. It was a bit like waking someone with a hangover or calming a frightened animal. I approached him slowly and used a quiet voice and calm words, wondering what emotions the day would bring for him. The coffee helped, but still he left in a ponderous mood, having not mentioned anything that passed between us the night before. As he was about to leave I pulled him close and whispered to him that he would be okay. That time would help him to sort things out and he would feel better and less to blame. If only it had._

_When he left I looked over to where our friends were beginning to load up their cars and belongings for their return to civilization. Jake had been helping Ben. He simply stood looking at me, and when I returned his gaze, he shrugged his shoulders and walked away. It was then that I started to glimpse how truly difficult the coming day would be and resolved to be honest at any cost, not knowing what price I had already begun to pay from that decision._

When I had finished spilling the details to Jake about my night with Jasper, I felt strangely empty. It was not a cathartic release, honesty never is. It leaves a bitter taste in the mouth and a stone in the pit of the stomach that can only be relieved at someone else's hand. I waited for Jake to speak, wondering if there was anything left to say, or if he would just go on his not-so-merry way closing this chapter of our friendship. After an eternity, his warm voice broke through the silence.

"You had me worried for a sec there Bells."

Slowly I raised my head from my intense gaze at the floor, only to come eye to eye with Jake's muscular chest as he stepped towards me and pulled me close to him. I let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding and melded my body to his. He was holding me. It was going to be okay.

"When you said you slept with him, well ...I thought that, you know, you'd, well, slept with him. Not that you had been asleep together."

"Oh Jake! I'm sorry - I never thought. It seemed like so much the wrong thing to do that I never thought about how I was saying it!" Was I really that stupid?

"It doesn't matter Bells. Really it doesn't. I've been saying all along that you could have whatever you want, whichever of us you want. But when I thought you'd been with him, I didn't feel the way I expected."

"How do you mean?"

"Well so far, I honestly meant it when I said you could have him as well as me. I thought I could remain really neutral and have lots of sex with you, and just give you up when he came back. Because I always knew he'd come back. But last night when he went to you and I thought that we were done, it hurt more than I thought. I don't think I'm neutral anymore Bella. "

"I know Jake. I mean, I could have last night, you know, with him... He wanted to and I thought I did too. But I kept thinking about you and it just didn't feel right. I don't think I'm neutral anymore either." There was a long pause where we simply held each other, breathing in each other's scents and enjoying being close to each other without fear of prying eyes and imminent discovery. When the moment had passed, I plucked up the courage to ask him, "Where do we go from here?"

"I don't know. I don't think anything has really changed. You still don't know how you feel and now I don't know either. How about we just keep on doing what we've been doing and keep talking to each other and see where it goes from there."

"Sounds like a plan."

He smiled then and kissed me deeply. A slow burning kiss that promised more to come. As I left him to finish his chores, I felt a slow warmth growing inside me, filling the emptiness my confession had left. Maybe everything would be okay. Maybe I did still have time to sort things out. Honesty had worked for once and Jake and I were still on track. Now I just needed to speak to Rosalie and Jasper.

One down, two to go.


End file.
